I Feel Old. And Weird. And Hopeful.

No forethought, really, just letting my fingers type my thoughts.

For awhile I couldn’t really tell that I was getting old, unless I consulted my physical body, which always seemed delighted to tell me the truth about my lost youth. My body and I are no longer on speaking terms.

But now. I don’t know. I feel it deeper than just physically.

When I look at the world around me and what has happened just over the last decade or so, I feel like someone from another time, finding myself in a world that has shape shifted into something I don’t recognize.

Strange people protesting strange things.

Everywhere I look someone is offended at someone or something.

Why does who I voted for offend you? I mean, when did that become a thing?

How can it be a debate that we don’t let children decide their gender?

How does it take legislation to prevent doctors from mutilating a child’s body for the sake of a delusion that is actually a mental illness?

How are we a society that now fights to keep parents from having the authority to not go along with their child’s desire to be something that, genetically, they are not and odds are they won’t desire in a few years?

I mean, when did we, as a culture, start going after the children – the ones who need our protection the most? I know it’s always been a thing, evil targeting kids, but when did it become something that people are ok publically fighting for rather than against? How did that even happen? When did America lose its mind?

When did we start applauding violence toward people and their property simply because they don’t agree with us? And oh my gosh, when and how did it become ok to spit in the face of anyone, much less a police officer? When did our respect for all authority get flushed down a toilet? I understand that corruption exists, and it makes us angry, and I am all for the right and responsiblity to protest corruption and injustice. But what’s happening right now feels different. Demonic. Lawless. Complete and utter rebellion, and a society that accepts it and even applauds it.

How on earth did we get here?

I feel the oldness now. Not just in my body, but in my soul. Like I slept too long and woke up in a foreign place. Unable to find my way around, because nothing is familiar. It feels like a tsmanami that just keeps coming, destroying everything with a darkness that is palpable.

But yes. I know the ending. I know God remains enthroned above the circle of the earth and He raises nations and kings and He brings them down and all of this must take place before the end comes and Jesus returns in glory.

Honestly, if I didn’t know all that, there are days when I don’t think I would have any desire to continue living on this earth. Thankfully, I do know all that.

But still the thoughts come. The grieving comes. Because my grandchildren are growing up in this world that has gone awry. In a world where truth is subjective and morality isn’t really a thing and people are buck naked crazy but everyone pretends they aren’t.

It makes me feel not just old, but almost helpless. Except.

I know the One enthroned. He inclines His ear to me. He moves me to prayer and to believe that my voice matters more in heaven than it does on earth. So I pray for the little ones who carry the future of this place that is so strange to me now.

I pray they will be awakened from the slumber that has come upon this land and its people, and that they will recognize truth from lie. That they will shake off offense and fear and the lure of the carnal, and choose to take up sword and shield and fight a spiritual battle that matters more than any other war being fought by men. That they will know the urgency of the gospel and that it is far more important than what a government is doing or not doing.

I pray for a generation of children to know the light, carry the light, and live in the light of Christ for the sake of a lost world. That they will have the spiritual maturity, even at a young age, to resist the pull of this world and keep their feet firmly planted on the Word of God. I pray for rescuers, not to rescue a country, but to rescue souls from eternal darkness.

I may feel old, but in my spirit there remains a hope that still feels young. Fresh. Alive. I am learning to embrace both. To be ok with weirdness and with the passing of time, as I remain full of hope and full of prayer.

Thanks for listening. Maybe you feel some of these things as well? Maybe you disagree with every word of it, except the part that I may be weird. That’s ok. You are entitled to your opinion, and I’m not offended by it. See how easy that is?