Dream, Meet Reality

I’ve wanted to be an author for most of my adult life, which feels like a very, very long time.

And just like that, the book is done. And by just like that I mean over 15 years later, a lot of shoving it in a drawer for weeks upon months, nothing less than buckets of tears, and oh my gosh the edits. The edits ’bout killed both me and my husband.

But now it’s done. Sitting at Amazon, waiting to be read.

And I don’t know how to pick something to feel. There’s so much to choose from.

  • Exhausted
  • Relieved
  • Euphoric
  • Happy
  • Thankful
  • Scared, which is at the top of the list

I think I’ll choose them all.

The book is deeply personal, but it holds the story of God’s power to bring dead things back to life, to redeem the lost years, and to change a heart that didn’t know it needed it. And because of that, my deeply personal story needed to be told. Not because the people in the story made a profound mess of things, but because God stepped into the mess, bringing fire with Him, and saved what surely would have been lost.

I would be honored for you to read it.

Short: I Am Not Ashamed (or am I?)

A “short” is simply a devotional from my journal notes I use when I study scripture.

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.” – Romans 1:16 

I want to say it loud right along with Paul. But I don’t think I can, once I’ve sat with it and let it sink into me a bit.

Being unashamed of the gospel means he did not shrink back from sharing it. He didn’t hide it from anyone, or dress it up to look more appealing.

I’ve done all of that.

As I sat here with God and this deeply convicting sentence, I asked myself, not why have I not lived unashamed of the gospel, but why did Paul live unashamed? Frankly, I know myself and the coward that lives in me. I wanted to know why it was so different for Paul.

The answer is in the rest of his statement.

“… for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes…”

Maybe part of the reason Paul lived unashamed of the gospel is because he didn’t make it about him.

I could probably stop right here and we would all get the point. The hot, searing point that can make us all suddenly realize we have somewhere else to be and other things to do, so peace out.

But I am a glutton for conviction and I still have a few more words in me, so let’s keep going.

This understanding that I have made sharing the gospel about me—my nervousness, my fear of rejection, my fear of getting it wrong, my fear that it will scare them off—gives me both an opportunity and a choice.

An opportunity to repent, and a choice to let God shift something in me. Burn away something in me, and change me from the inside out. What makes that hard is that I’ve walked with Him long enough to know that it can be a most unpleasant process to be changed by God.

But I’ve also walked with Him long enough to know that every bit of the unpleasant, and even painful, process of changing my heart from stone to flesh, is so very good. And if I want to walk closer with Him, love Him more deeply, trust Him more fully, then I must be willing to be awakened by conviction rather than lulled to sleep by comfort.

Father, I have been pierced by Your Word. Help me be in full surrender to the rest of the work to align my heart with Yours. Get me out of my own way, Lord, so that I too can live unashamed of the gospel, as Your co-laborer in the harvest field that is my family, my neighborhood, my community, and unto the ends of the earth.

Short: Revival Crowds

Just a short post from the notebook I use when I read my bible.

“So His fame spread throughout all Syria, and they brought Him all the sick, those afflicted with various diseases and pains, those oppressed by demons, those having seizures, and paralytics, and He healed them. And great crowds followed Him from Galilee and the Decapolis, and from Jerusalem and Judea, and from beyond the Jordan.” – Matthew 4:24-25

Crowds followed Him. Listened to Him. He was changing everything.

Watch what happened…

People were healed.

Delivered.

Those who would not be touched by people were now being touched by God.

Women were treated differently.

The poor were treated differently.

Truth was taught. Some walked away. Jesus let them go.

Jesus revived hope, expectation, hunger, and joy.

Because He showed up.

Everything became about this man, Jesus.

It threatened and offended religious spirits who held man-made power and fattened themselves on their own superiority.

He didn’t care.

Lord, come. Do it again.

Heal us, deliver us, touch us. Save us.

Offend us.

Wring out from us everything that is no longer about You, from You, and for You.

Let the crowds gather to be revived by You, not entertained by us.

Come Lord Jesus, and change everything.

Painfully Beautiful

Nearly fifteen years ago I started something in obedience to God. I began to write the story of God’s restoration and redemptive work in my marriage and in my own heart. I wrote and then stopped for long periods of time. Then wrote some more and stopped again. And then I started to sense a push from the Holy Spirit to “finish the book.” And still, it seemed like a “someday” thing that would never come.

Until it did.

It is time for the story of God’s fiery work in my life to be released and it feels scary and crazy and good and vulnerable. And like a dream. A dream I’ve had since childhood—to be a writer—is no longer a dream, and I think I’m struggling with that! So weird. But I think the struggle is this… as long as something remains a dream, there is no risk. There’s no vulnerability in a dream, until that dream becomes a reality. So I’m now learning to trust God with my vulnerability. To trust Him with a dream that is no longer a dream.

It’s coming out soon! I hope you will read it, not because I wrote it, but because it is God’s story and no matter who you are or your season of life, married or single, it will affect you. It will challenge you, minister to you, and hopefully stir a fresh hunger in you.

The Warnings: Hypocrisy

“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach.  – Matthew 23:2-3

This whole chapter is one long “woe” to the Pharisees and teachers of the law and serves as a warning to the Church.

The hypocrite wears a mask, plays a part like an actor. They preach one thing and do the other thing. They are everyone’s critic but their own.

Jesus told the sheep to do what they say, but not what they do.

Lest the hypocrisy spread.

I think two things are important here. First, are we doing what hypocrites are doing simply because we like the hypocrites? Or maybe because we lack the discernment and biblical literacy to know a hypocrite when we see one?

Second, are we the hypocrite? The one wearing a mask, pretending to be one thing even though we are something else? Are we pointing at sin over there but not the sin over here? Do we hold others to a standard that we can’t, or won’t, meet?

It’s not warm and fuzzy, but most warnings aren’t.

Today, God is uncovering things that have long been hidden. In the Church, mind you. We need to drag our eyes away from what this world is doing and put them on God, and what He is doing right here in us. His light is hitting our hypocrisy in rapid succession and it’s got us on our heels. But, He is also awakening people to a fresh hunger for purity in our pulpits, and in the way those in authority walk with Jesus. But those things must begin with personal purity and integrity in the way we walk out the commands of Christ. It’s the only way the whole body will be made healthy.

And, He is also awakening people to a fresh hunger for Him, praise God! All over the world there are pockets of revival happening that never make the news. So both things are true—the Church is being disciplined, and the Church is being revived, all to the glory of God!

Lord, give us wisdom and discernment, and eyes to see ourselves rightly. Examine our hearts, Father, and see if there be any wicked way in us. Help us walk in purity of intentions, and the integrity to steward Your gifts well. Revive in us a hunger for You above all else. In Jesus’ name. Amen

The Warnings: False Prophets

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. – Matthew 7:15-16

He warned them about many things and in so doing, He was warning us. And while we are awake to His promises and even His prophesies, I fear we slumber at His warnings. I think though, that we are being awakened by the Spirit, called to sit up and pay attention, to tarry in prayer, to open our eyes, and to heed the warnings.

False prophets. Wolves that look, and act like sheep. They dress the part but it is only a costume. They’re fluent in the language we associate with sheep, but it is nothing more than mimicry. The danger is not that they are among us, but that we don’t recognize them.

And then we do. The cry goes up from those who have discerned that something is very wrong, that the prophets are not who they claim to be. And then the next danger appears—sheep who defend the wolves and accuse the ones raising the warning cry.

And then the bag is open and the cat is out and so begins a mad scramble to put it back before everyone sees it. The revealing of wolves also reveals much about both the shepherds and the sheep. Those who befriended wolves want us to believe their discernment wasn’t off, that the wolf is actually a sheep who just strayed off the path, and needs restoration.

The problem is that Jesus called them one thing, and we are calling them something else. Jesus said they are ravenous, we say they deserve mercy and compassion. What it reveals is that we are unwilling to admit that ravenous wolves exist in the Church, because who wants to admit they let them in? Who among us wants to fess up about our lack of discernment, that we couldn’t see the wolf that we invited onto our platforms, or that we failed to be diligent to look at the fruit of those who had such access to the flock?

And then the dust settles, and in certain corners of the Church a cry for the heads of the shepherds can be heard. The ones who actually do need our mercy and compassion become the targets of “crucify them!” And soon a chorus joins in that is full of accusation, and “I told you so”, and we begin to issue our warnings, not against wolves, but against genuine sheep who messed up. Beloved, a wolf that gets in doesn’t turn all the sheep into wolves. Can we just drop our rocks for a minute, and consider this one thing?

Earthly shepherds are not the last line of defense against wolves. God knows that we are but dust.

He has given us His Holy Spirit. He knows the wolves who have come in, and He will uncover them all, as He has been doing. They cannot fool Him. He sees past the disguise, past the smooth talk, past the false humility, and into the heart that has been given over to darkness.

He will comfort the sheep, bring both conviction and revelation to the shepherds, and He will teach us to recognize the next wolf at the door much quicker. May He also raise up the voices of those who see the wolves, that they would stand on the wall to intercede with true concern for the Church, rather than with accusation against her.

Holy Spirit, give us wisdom, discernment, and diligence. Wake us up where we slumber, strengthen our weak places, give us eyes to see truth, ears to hear, and hearts that would rather be humbled by You and than crowned by men.

Help us heed Your warnings as surely as we seek Your promises.

What Does Heaven See In Me?

He pulled off what has to be the biggest, most magnificent rescue in history. Countless miracles were done through him. I mean big, big things that would likely terrify you and I if they were done today. He “went up to God” on a mountain and talked to Him as one talks with a friend.

Moses experienced God in ways no other person has experienced Him. And then, Moses died and God buried him where his grave would not ever be found. Can our minds even wrap around that bit of news?

He lived an epic life, whether he ever saw it that way or not. And isn’t that what so many of us want? To live a full and epic life? To do something that lasts, that has meaning, that changes something?

Moses is known as a great leader; maybe the greatest. But do we have any idea the weight he carried? Do we know his stress, his fear, frustrations, and even disdain for the people he was leading? No. No we don’t. Some of the biggest leaders in the Church today may think they can relate, but in reality there is nothing that comes close to what Moses was called to do.

Ok, that was the setup for what I felt led by God to write today.

“After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ aide:  “Moses my servant is dead. Now then …” 

These are the first lines of the first chapter of Joshua, and it’s important to hear what God is saying here, by hearing what He didn’t say.

Moses, your great leader is dead.

Moses, My friend is dead.

Moses, the rescuer is dead.

Moses, the man who did mighty miracles is dead.

It was far more simple and profound than that.

Moses, My servant is dead.

I would like to propose something to you. While Moses was all of the things God didn’t say, I think God cut through all of what we would call identity and named who Moses was to Him.

My servant.

šāraṯ. Pronounced shaw-rath. That’s the word God used for Moses. “to attend as a menial or worshipper; to minister” (Strong’s)

The courage before Pharoah, the obedience that resulted in miracles, climbing the mountain into the dark cloud of presence, carrying God’s people to the edge of the Promised Land. The earthly perspective is that Moses was a great leader, perhaps the best in history. The view from heaven was of a man serving his God.

We all have to choose which perspective means more to us.

“… whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:26-27)

Lord, of all the things I may be known as, I desire most that You know me as Your servant. I pray that I will never serve a title given by men above serving You and ministering to Your heart.