Category Archives: Blog

more than enough

Five loaves and two fish. That’s it, that’s all the disciples had. With these meager supplies Jesus fed a lot of people, but that’s not really what I find so fascinating in this passage. (Matthew 14:13-21)

Over five thousand people were gathered in this remote place. They didn’t catch a plane or hop in their cars to get there. They walked. Let’s picture for a second what it would look like to see more than 5,000 people walking anywhere. And then let’s ponder why they were willing to follow a man, on foot, to a remote place. They weren’t heading to an arena or a stadium with theater style seating. No worship band would be there. No one would be selling books, cds or dvds. No lineup of speakers to give carefully prepared messages. Nothing advertising a “move of the Spirit.”  More than 5,000 people walked to just be with Jesus. And ever true to who He is, He “had compassion on them and healed their sick.” (v.14)

So I ask you what I asked myself. When was the last time you went out of your way just to be with Jesus? No worship music, mesmerizing sermon, or cd’s for sale. Just the One who is compassion and healing and truth. “It’s been awhile”, I answered myself.

 I guess in all fairness to us, they had someone they could actually see and hear. Someone in physical form to follow. Then again…

“Then Jesus told him, ‘Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.’” John 20:29

Is it possible for us to believe that 5,000 of us could gather together and find healing and compassion from Jesus? Just Jesus, without all the prep work we do, the musicians, the ambience, lights, videos and cameras. No microphones or sound boards. No candles or mood lighting. Just us, and Him. And does the thought of that seem as weird to you as it does to me, given what we have become so accustomed to? Given our craving to be entertained more than healed? I’m just asking.

And what about those loaves and the fish? My eyes skim over the fact that Jesus miraculously fed over 5,000 people and had leftovers, and land on the command He gave. “Bring them here to Me”… (v. 18)

We have so little, really. Our giftings, talents, money, time, compassion, mercy…those of us with the most of all of these, still have so little, here in the shadow of God. And we know it, deep down. Our “so little” is the root for so much of our anxiety and fear, because we know we don’t have enough. There isn’t enough time to do what needs to be done. Not enough money to build what needs to be built. Not enough energy to shepherd the flocks of God. Not enough of anything to build God’s Kingdom.

It’s when we “Bring them here to Me”, that what little we have becomes more than enough.

And that makes me want to go out of my way to be with Him. Just Him.

the wheat forgets

Today was parable day as I followed Jesus into Matthew 13.  To be honest, parables are like riddles, and while I rock at puzzles, riddles make my head hurt.  Fortunately, the disciples were also riddle challenged, so Jesus explained His parables to them. I found the one about the wheat and tares particularly interesting today, so naturally, it becomes fodder for my blog.

In Matthew 13:24-30 Jesus gives the parable of the wheat and tares. Then in verses 36-43 He explains the parable. Let’s discuss, shall we?

In the parable, a man sowed good seed into his field, and then an enemy came in, unseen, and sowed weeds among the wheat seeds. When the wheat began to sprout, so did the weeds. So the servants asked the field owner if they should go into the field and pull up the weeds. The owner said no, let them both grow together, because if you try to pull up the weeds, you might pull up some of the wheat too. At harvest time, my reapers will gather the weeds and burn them, and then they will gather my wheat and bring it into my barn.

Jesus then explained that He represents the man who sowed the seed. The field is the earth, and the seed He sowed are Christians (sons of the Kingdom). The weeds are the sons of the wicked one, sown by Satan. The harvest is the end of the age, and the reapers are the angels.

So, I need to process this, and by process, I don’t mean create doctrine. I mostly mean speculate.

I am God’s good seed, and He has sown me into the world. I am where I am because He has planted me here. At the end of the age, I will be part of His great harvest, but I was not planted alone. I am planted with other seed like me, and together we are the harvest. My purpose is the same as theirs…to bring forth a crop…to bear Him fruit.

But the wheat is not alone. As it turns out, the earth is not just a wheat field. Not yet. The enemy has planted his own sons in the same field with the son’s of God, and it is God’s intention to leave them there, for now. Until harvest time. In the meantime, what does the wheat do about all these weeds?

Wheat and weeds, growing closely together. And by God’s own intention, the weeds are not to be gathered out of the field, because of the possibility of pulling up wheat. Could it be that sometimes wheat can look like a weed? If so, God clearly doesn’t want that ‘weedy looking wheat’ accidently pulled up with the weeds…which means God still considers it wheat, even if it looks like a weed. But I’m just speculating. Then again, if I’m wrong, what do we do about Peter? Remember him? Denied Christ three times. Was he wheat that became a weed and then turned back into wheat? Or was he wheat that looked suspiciously like a weed for awhile… wheat that Jesus prayed for.

I think sometimes, wheat is afraid of weeds. So they attempt to carve out a section of the field that is “weed free”. They don’t associate with weeds, won’t work in the same place that weeds work, won’t go to school with weeds, and can be heard treating the weeds with great contempt, despising them because they aren’t wheat. Wheat can become very distracted from their purpose (bringing forth fruit) because they are so busy watching and chastising the weeds. For being weeds.

I think wheat acts like that somtimes because it’s forgetful. That’s all. The wheat has simply forgotten.

“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.” Colossians 1:21

Wheat forgets that it was once a weed.

I think my speculating might make me a little unpopular. At least with the wheat. Especially the forgetful ones.

the overflow

Just yesterday I had a thought and decided I probably should not give it a voice. But then today I did my reading in Matthew and realized I needed to talk. I’ll talk to myself. You can listen if you’d like.

After reading a few things on the internet yesterday, here is the thought that popped into my head:  “Most of the christian bashing I hear and read, is done by other christians.” Being a christian myself, you can see why I thought it best to keep that thought to myself. And then I read Matthew 12:33-37, and one line leaped off of the page and slammed right into my brain, giving me what is at least a headache, but may quite possibly be a concussion. I should probably skip today’s nap, just in case.

“Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.  You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.  The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.  But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.  For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Some of the things I have read, heard and spoken in the past few months, even years, are telling on the heart of the Church, on my own heart.  We bash pastors, churches and fellow christians. It seems we are always on the lookout for what christians are doing wrong, bringing into question whether they are “really” christians, or at a minimum, what kind of christian they are. Of course, because we are, after all, christians, we wrap it all up, put a big bow on it and call it “speaking the truth in love”. And then we go back to adjusting our robes and polishing our gavels.

To be fair, we don’t always go to that extreme. We keep a tighter rein on our tongues by limiting ourselves to complaining and grumbling against our brothers and sisters. We question their motives and their methods, and their true devotion, as though we ourselves are the barometer for all things right and true.

I do this. Me. I say ‘we’, because I’ve listened to ‘we’ so I know it’s ‘we’, but right now God is dealing with the ‘I’ in ‘we’.

They say that we can’t know what is in another person’s heart. Jesus begs to differ. All we have to do is listen. I have listened to the overflow of my own heart, and I am grieved. I am especially pained by the fact that I have caused others to get caught in my overflow.

Based on what I’ve seen, I do not have a tongue problem. I have a heart problem. I don’t want a heart like mine, I want a heart like His. So I listen to the overflow of God’s heart for His Church…and begin to seek an exchange of hearts. Mine for His.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—  for we are members of His body.”  Ephesians 5:25-28

Today, I apologize to His Church, His Bride, especially those who have found themselves caught in my overflow. I have not loved you as He has loved you. Today, I am going after His heart for you, because I want to change the overflow of mine.

Just A Glimpse

Matthew 12:1-13 is an interesting passage. Actually, it became interesting to me today, because today is really the first time I read it in search of God’s heart. I’ve read it many times before, and kind of understood the lesson in it, but today I squinted, and I caught a glimpse of something else.

I wonder if Jesus knew His disciples were hungry when He decided to lead them through a grocery store even though it wasn’t time to eat, according to the rules (actually, it was a grain field, but I’m picturing myself following Jesus and I don’t know that I would break any rules just to eat grain. I’d like to think I’d at least need a potato chip aisle.). I wonder if He knew the Pharisees were lurking about, watching and waiting. I wonder if this was a set-up. But that’s not what I saw when I squinted. I just like to wonder about things.

I read the entire passage three times before I saw it. There, in five little words in verse 7, I caught a glimpse of the heart I am after. “I desire mercy, not sacrifice…”.

“mercy: kindness or goodwill towards the miserable and the afflicted, joined with a desire to help them”  “sacrifice:  animal or other “sacrifices,” as offered under the Law”. (Hebrew/Greek lexicon)

I won’t go into how so many of us know God according to the “rules” of Christianity. We know what is required of us, and we definitely know what is required of other people. I won’t talk about our determination of how much we will help someone is often made by how much they are willing to help themselves, or by whether or not they are willing to start following the rules.  Let’s not discuss how obsessive-compulsive we can be about rules and regulations, while completely dismissing the affliction of the alcoholic standing in front of us…or the one who can’t stop taking pain medication, or eating food…or the one who is losing everything because they don’t have a money management skill in their body, and they have an affinity for making bets.  If they would all just follow the rules, they wouldn’t need our help, right? But I won’t go into any of that today.

Instead, I will stand in front of a mirror. I will watch as I continually beat myself up every time I fail to meet the requirements of the rules. I’ll listen to the chastisement of my own heart against me for being unable to go far without falling down. I’ll watch the look of contempt on my face as I see myself once again struggling to untangle things, knowing my entanglement was my own fault.

I have glimpsed God’s heart today. And now I know. The emotional beatings, chastisement, and contempt that I assumed were His, were only mine.

“I desire mercy…”  It’s just a glimpse.

come to rest

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

An invitation.  To the Jews it was an invitation to come out from under the weight of the law, and the rules imposed by the religious leaders.  An invitation to come to grace.  As I read this scripture today, even as a follower of Christ, I still hear an invitation.

To the one frantically trying to make life work…Come to Me.

To the one trying so hard to be good enough…Come to Me.

To the one who feels the weight of failed expectations…Come to Me.

To the one tired of hoping…Come to Me.

To the weary, the scared, the disappointed, the hurting…Come to Me.

Come, join Me. Discover that I am not harsh, that I carry no whip. Discover that my only motivation is love.  My intentions are not to work you harder, but to give you rest. 

Rest, because as I live life in you, life works.  Rest, because I have already made you good enough. Rest. Let Me be the expectation of your life. I will not fail.

Come to Me, and cease your frantic striving.  Throw off the yoke of performance and join the One who loves who you are, not what you do. You think you are managing your fear. You aren’t. Your fear is managing you.  “There is no fear in love”. Come to Me.  Let Me love you. Fear will leave.

Here, with Me, you will have a different view. You will see your life, even the disappointing parts, in the light of your Father’s perfect plan.  Your hope has had many homes, and the disappointment has been heavy. So much disappointment has left your heart wounded. Make your home here, next to Me. Let Me be your hope. You will not be disappointed.  Your heart will heal.

The invitation is still there. Every day. For me. Come to Me. Come back to grace. Rest.

truth revealed

I was all set to talk about rest for the weary in Matthew 11:28-30 because it’s one of my favorite passages. But I can’t, because I’m stuck on the scriptures before that, when Jesus thanked His Father for hiding and revealing truth. (v.25-26) His prayer comes directly after His pronouncement of “woe” upon those cities who saw His miracles, yet would not repent.

“At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.  Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.”

I keep staring at these verses, trying to discover what I’m supposed to learn from them. Perhaps it’s that somewhere along the way, I grew from a child to an adult.  I gathered enough information to make me “wise”, and stopped watching Jesus with wide eyed wonder and trust.  Have I settled for studying His Word so that I can learn all about Him, rather than running after Him because I thirst to know Him? It begs the question, “what has been hidden from me because I thought I already knew it?”

Maybe the lesson is that the miracles that Jesus did were not to teach His followers how to heal or cast out demons, but they were God saying, “This is My Son. My Messiah. You should turn around and follow Him.” Perhaps I’m supposed to learn that when I see Jesus, He isn’t looking at me with disappointment because I’m not doing this “christian” thing right. He’s looking at His Father, wanting my gaze to follow His.

I’m still not satisfied that I’ve learned what I’m supposed to know.  Something is missing. So I read the verses again. I am aware that there is something of God’s heart here, and I want it. And then the little child’s heart in me skips a beat as I hear God speak.

“Truth is not learned. It is revealed.”

My Father is truth. He doesn’t want me to learn Him. He wants to reveal Himself to me. It brings Him pleasure. It’s as simple as that.

what did i expect?

Blind people see. Lame people walk. The unclean are now clean. Deaf people hear. Dead people are now alive. And the lost are being found. Blessed is the one who doesn’t walk away because he was expecting something else.

That was Jesus’ answer to John the Baptist’s inquiry from prison:  “Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?” (Matthew 11:-6)

Then Jesus asked the crowd about their expectations of John the Baptist. Only those expecting a prophet would not have been disappointed.

Jesus described “this generation” by their expectations, and the fickleness of those expectations. “That” generation may be no different than “this” generation.

The Messiah that was “expected” would have been a royal warrior. One who would overthrow the oppression of the Roman rule and establish the Jewish Kingdom. To say the least, He was not what they expected. Turns out, they expected far too little of Him.

What about us? Are we any different? I know some who have walked away because they didn’t get what they expected from Jesus. The problem is not who Jesus is or what He does or doesn’t do. The problem is what we expect of Him.

We expect Him to change our spouse so that we can have a happy marriage. He instead teaches us the true meaning of dying to ourselves. We expect Him to keep us employed so we can pay our bills. He takes away our job, and we learn dependency on the One who provides when there is no provision in sight. We make a plan for our lives and expect Him to make it happen. He throws out our plan and we find ourselves in the middle of something we never dared to dream up, and we have no idea where we’re heading or how to get there. So we have to continually seek Him for our next step. We expect a life without pain or suffering. We get troubles, trials, and suffering that bring us face to face with mercy, comfort, and a place of refuge like no other. We expect happiness, not realizing that happiness is fleeting. He gives us joy, which abides in the deep place of our heart even in the midst of difficulty. We expect punishment and receive forgiveness.

We expect a “saved” life to be lived out on this earth basically the way we see fit. We expect to see Jesus in heaven, but until then, we’re on our own for the most part. We expect to have lives that won’t really matter or make a difference. We expect to have a relationship with Jesus that doesn’t include His Body, that doesn’t require us to walk in submission to others, that doesn’t seek to force our hearts out into the open. We expect our lives to be, well, ours.

You see, we too expect too little of Jesus.

Until our expectations of Jesus change, He will never meet them. Hopefully, we won’t walk away before we realize that He has far surpassed every expectation.