Marriage Matters—When I Am The Why

I had been asking God for so many years to change my husband. Begging God, really. But I saw little to no movement over almost two decades. Makes a girl weary, you know? Finally, God made a change, and that change was in me.

During the very difficult beginning of our restoration season, God allowed me to see things through a very different lens. It was the lens of heaven, seeing my husband with eyes of love and compassion over his brokenness. Seeing him as God sees him…as a child of God, hurting, and in great need of the Father’s healing. For his sake, not mine. And that is where the change came. In the motive of my prayer.

I realized that all those years I wanted my husband to change so that my life would be easier, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with his anger, and his verbal abuse. I wanted him to change so that I could relax and maybe be happy for a change.

You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. (James 4:3)

This was the verse that God first used to address my prayer life, specifically my prayers for my husband. This is where I began to learn that motives matter to God, and my motive in prayer was me, more often than not.

As my view of my husband changed, so did my motives. As I saw what God saw, my heart broke for my husband more than it broke for me. And when I began to pray out of a genuine desire to see him free, to see him know the deep love of His Father, to know his worth – the changes I had prayed for began to happen. Little bits at a time for sure, but they were there.

Discovering that God is my source of happiness and peace, not my husband, was a shift I needed that enabled me to begin to pray with Godly motives rather than selfish ones.

If you are weary in prayer for your spouse, let God call out your motives. It will be hard, but so very worth it.

40 days of truth: day 23—Resistance Is My Way Out

 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” 

James 4:7

Resistance Is My Way Out

{re·sist·ance – the refusal to accept or comply with something}

Some days he’s just right there.

When I’m hurt, he’s there with all the accusations for me to pick from, all the anger for me to wallow in, all the ways I can hurt back.

When I’m worried, he plays out worst-case scenarios, whispering the “what ifs” that stoke my fearful fires.

When I am anxious, he offers what will kill me with comfort.

When I have doubts, he’s there to feed them until they become unbelief.

Some days I feel trapped, blind to the companion of my flesh.

And then one day I remember that some days come and some days go and what makes them better days is if I take the way out God offers.

Submission to the One who leads me to life, and resistance to the one who leads me to destruction.

I have the choice to refuse to comply. The choice to say no to temporary comfort and rickety fixes, and say yes to the obedience that brings freedom.

Here is truth for my some days: It isn’t my singing or my shouting that puts the devil on the run.

It’s my resistance.

#jointheresistance

doulos

Woke up with a massive migraine. Took painkillers left over from the car wreck. Woke up five hours later feeling hungover, but the tiny people were no longer using giant sledgehammers on my brain. Now they’re just rubber mallets. Much better. Opened my bible, thinking Psalms, or maybe Song of Songs. Something soothing.

Instead I went to James. I’m as surprised as anyone. Who reads James when they don’t feel good? I don’t know, because I didn’t actually read James. I read the first sentence and then tripped.

doulos“James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ”…

I think his opening words meant much more to James and the first readers of his letter, than to us. In fact, I bet most of us just skim over those words,  because who pays attention to introductions? The writer is simply identifying himself.

James was the brother of Jesus, and at first did not believe his brother was the Messiah and openly opposed Him. But James eventually became a believer, and very well known in the Church. He was the leader of the church in Jerusalem, and a “pillar” of the Church, according to Paul. James could have identified himself using any number of words. Personally, I think most of us would have pulled out the “brother of Jesus” card for sure.

Who are you, James? “a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ”.

What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘servant’? I think of foot washing. I think of someone who does the menial tasks, the one who sets up the tables for a church event. I think of terms we use, such as “servant-leadership”, and “he has a servant’s heart”, and how those terms generally refer to “doing”. I have even said “I am a servant of Christ” myself, usually under my breath while I am doing something no one else would volunteer for. And in my best martyr’s voice.

In the Greek language, there are various words used for our one word “servant”, and they have different meanings and shades of meaning. To fit my definition above (minus the martyr’s voice), the word James would probably have had to use is ‘diakonos’:

~ one who executes the commands of another, especially of a master ~ the servant of a king ~ a deacon, one who, by virtue of the office assigned to him by the church, cares for the poor and has charge of and distributes the money collected for their use ~ a waiter, one who serves food and drink.

But the word he actually used to identify himself is “doulos”, or “bondservant”:

~ slave ~ one who gives himself wholly to another’s will ~ one who is devoted to another to the disregard of one’s own interests ~ those who’s service is used by Christ in extending and advancing His cause among men  ~ all who obey God’s commands; His true worshippers

Big difference. James identified himself not as someone who did things for God, but as someone who had willingly enslaved and bound himself to God. He was completely and utterly devoted to God and to Jesus, laying down his own will and interests. A bondservant is one who is completely given over to the one he serves. It is a position that expresses the absolute highest devotion.

It is no small thing to be a doulos of Christ. It is not something we can use to guilt convince people to volunteer to do more in the church.

dig deepThis kind of study and digging fascinates me, and I could literally spend hours and hours doing it. But my desire to go deeper, and to know the heart of God more, won’t be satisfied by a word study, unless it results in revelation from the Holy Spirit. It was when I was reading my study notes about the life of James that I got the revelation that took me deeper.

James was martyred in 62 A.D.  Not because he was a diakonos, but because he was a doulos

James, Paul, Peter, and Jude all identified themselves as bondservants (doulos) of Christ. In their letters to the churches, they give a very vivid picture of what the life, and the faith, of a bondservant looks like. They were obedient, crucified lives. These men weren’t spiritual super heros. They were filled with the Spirit of God, but they were mortal men who had made a choice, a decision to live life, all of life, for God and for the cause of Christ.

Everyone of them were killed for that decision.

How do I want to be identified? diakonos, or doulos? One can make me feel like a martyr, the other, given the right place and time, could actually make me one.

I probably should have gone to the Song of Songs. James wasn’t good for my headache.