After seeing my parents’ marriage fail, and then my first marriage fail, I just wasn’t a fan. But I gave it a second go anyway, only to prove to myself that I was right – marriage is not a good thing. At least for me. God changed my opinion, but it took a long minute.
Allow me, if you will, to share some of what God showed me that helped me see marriage with much kinder eyes.
A number of things happened as a result of that infamous bite of forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Sin affected first, man’s relationship with God – “But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” (Genesis 3:9-10), and then, the marriage relationship – “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” (vs 16). From there, the effect of sin in our relationships would spread to their children, as seen in Cain and Abel.
Sin will always affect the relationships of the one who entertains it. We never sin in isolation.
When I look into the scriptures, I come away with this conclusion –
Marriage is not the problem. Husbands are not the problem. Wives are not the problem.
Sin is the problem in our relationships. God made a good thing when He created husbands, wives, and marriage. We are the ones who make them hard and painful, and sin is what we use to do that.
Jesus has made restoration possible, between us and God, and between us and one another. But walking in healthy, thriving relationships, both divine and human, means that we become ruthless with our own sin. It means we become experts at repentence. Instead of focuing our attention on what our spouse is doing wrong, we’ve got to become really good at examining our own hearts, our own thoughts, and our own actions, in the light of scripture. Where is the sin in me?
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting.…” (Psalm 139:23-24)
That’s what it takes. A “search ME” way of living in relationship with others.
Marriage is good. Sin makes it hard. Be quick to look for it, quick to repent of it, and quick to forgive it in others. It will change the game, if you’re willing to do it.
Karla Jo Wasion 