For roughly three years Jesus poured Himself into followers.  Teaching, loving, displaying God-power, rebuking, laughing, weeping. Living life. Pouring into people who would turn around, pour it back out, and change the world. Ordinary people who watched, listened, and followed Jesus and became transformed. Lives interrupted by God, taking them from ordinary to radical. And it has left me longing.

For a life interrupted. A life discipled by Jesus.

So back to the gospels I go. To the beginning. To hear with my eyes and receive in my heart transforming discipleship. I will write what I learn because that is the compulsion that lives in me. But I don’t want to just have something to write about. I want something to live about. Something that turns ordinary into radical.

Why now? I’m 51 and have been following Jesus for twenty-two years. Why now am I going back to the gospels to learn Jesus all over again?

Because God didn’t breathe the words “retirement” or “no longer relevant”.

Because I believe the best is yet to come.

Because I like the chase. And so does He.

Because I know He can take my breath away. Breathless. I want that again.

Because He is enough but I can’t get enough of Him.

Because He is more and I want more.

Because I’m not ready to sit down and be quiet. Because I’m a middle aged dog and I want new tricks and Jesus is always teaching, always discipling.

Because the Gospels fascinate me. Fascinated with Jesus. I need that again.

Because there is more and I’m not done yet.

5 thoughts on “because

  1. I have been challenged recently about how well I know Jesus, and like you I have returned to the gospels. Using a guide in my study Bible I am working through the gospels chronologically. I cannot believe how much I have been blessed so far. The other thing I was challenged about was the word ‘Christian’ and did I want to be known as a Christian? They more I prayed about it the more it didn’t feel right. Then I realised that I wanted to be known as a disciple of Jesus, rather than as a Christian. Your words echo my own desires and they challenge me, in this post and in ‘Leave me Broken’. I’m glad there is more because I am still hungry.


    • Thank you David. I am so glad to have company in this journey of going after more! And I love what you said about being a Christian! The word leaves such a bad taste in people’s mouths. I follow Jesus, and while it may be just a matter of semantics…I prefer follower over Christian.

      Are you blogging about your journey back to the gospels? (I’ll hop over to your site and see, but figured I’d ask anyway). I’d love to read what you are discovering!

      Here’s to hunger. And more.


      • I found Out of Eden through a comment you left on Ebs and Flows. It is my son’s blog. I do not have a blog but I started contributing to his a while back and it has become a regular mid-week event. I haven’t blogged about the gospel journey yet, but I have been recording it. Blogging – both the reading and the writing has certainly become part of my journey. ‘Leave me broken’ put me on my knees. Thank you so much for sharing.


  2. I LOVE this one. Read Joshua 14:6-12 In it, there’s 45 years between the time Caleb first saw his inheritance and the time that he possessed it. He says (paraphrased) “The Lord has let me live these forty five years and I am just as strong and ready for battle now as I was then.” He wasn’t about to sit back (at age 85) and let the others do the work and inherit the promise without him. He was in it to win it. 🙂


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