“Now when He saw the crowds, He went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to Him, and He began to teach them…” (Matthew 5:1-2)

So I went too, because I want, need, crave His discipleship. At first, I just listened to the cadence of His voice because, frankly, I had heard these words before.  The temptation was there to just move on. But something was pushing at my brain, clamoring to get in.  I kept listening, making Him repeat every word over and over because something was there and it wanted in. And then a list started forming in my head. Books. Drugs. Alcohol. Men. Marriage. Children. Church. Gifts. Purpose. Calling. (Stay with me, it will all make sense eventually. Hopefully.)

And then the door flung open and there it was. On this mountainside, Jesus turned “happy” on its’ little head. My list has a title – “My Search for Happiness”. And the whole world has a list because those who bear the image of their Creator are on a continual search for “happy”. So here, on this mountainside with my mysterious Friend, I felt the ground shift ever so slightly. I put Jesus on repeat, slowed down His voice and just listened.

“Blessed [happy]are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”.

Happy happens when you know full well that you have no power, no authority what so ever, apart from Jesus. There’s no revelation, no movement, no healing, no freedom, no salvation…nothing in you. So you continually have your hand out to God. And in that place…knees to the ground, hand out, fully aware that you have nothing…He gives it all to you.

A spiritual beggar has more power and authority than any other person on earth. And that makes them happy. Happy to be poor in spirit, because when they walk in that, heaven comes down. Healing happens, for real. Darkness is overcome, for real. People are set free, for real.

I listened to Jesus today, and realized that I know too many words. Calling, destiny, gifting, purpose. Good, useful words, except when they spell happiness. When they eat away at my spiritual poverty, they become dangerous.

My search for happiness started early, as a little girl who discovered the wonderful escape route of books. The search looked different as I became different, and you would think that it would have stopped when Jesus found me. And actually, it did, in part. I have a deep joy in me that nothing can touch, thank You Jesus. But I’ve still looked for “happy” and simply exchanged words like “drugs and alcohol” for “calling” and “purpose”.

The disciples went to Him as He sat on the mountainside, and He taught them. I was there. I learned a new word.

Poor

**Disclaimer time:  I know that the Beatitudes are speaking, at least in part, of those who will receive salvation. But I have asked Jesus for more. For deeper. I believe that the word of God is relevant to me every day of my life. If it is only referring to salvation, then these verses in Matthew would no longer be relevant to me, because I have salvation. So today’s post is simply what I heard Jesus speaking to me, for me, today. I’m not trying to make up a new doctrine.