Category Archives: Blog

Marriage Matters—Look for the Sin

After seeing my parents’ marriage fail, and then my first marriage fail, I just wasn’t a fan. But I gave it a second go anyway, only to prove to myself that I was right – marriage is not a good thing. At least for me. God changed my opinion, but it took a long minute.

Allow me, if you will, to share some of what God showed me that helped me see marriage with much kinder eyes.

A number of things happened as a result of that infamous bite of forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Sin affected first, man’s relationship with God – “But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” (Genesis 3:9-10), and then, the marriage relationship – “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” (vs 16). From there, the effect of sin in our relationships would spread to their children, as seen in Cain and Abel.

Sin will always affect the relationships of the one who entertains it. We never sin in isolation.

When I look into the scriptures, I come away with this conclusion –

Marriage is not the problem. Husbands are not the problem. Wives are not the problem.

Sin is the problem in our relationships. God made a good thing when He created husbands, wives, and marriage. We are the ones who make them hard and painful, and sin is what we use to do that.

Jesus has made restoration possible, between us and God, and between us and one another. But walking in healthy, thriving relationships, both divine and human, means that we become ruthless with our own sin. It means we become experts at repentence. Instead of focuing our attention on what our spouse is doing wrong, we’ve got to become really good at examining our own hearts, our own thoughts, and our own actions, in the light of scripture. Where is the sin in me?

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting.…” (Psalm 139:23-24)

That’s what it takes. A “search ME” way of living in relationship with others.

Marriage is good. Sin makes it hard. Be quick to look for it, quick to repent of it, and quick to forgive it in others. It will change the game, if you’re willing to do it.

Finish Better – Lessons from Solomon

Solomon became king, most likely as a teenager, after his father, King David died. He was known primarily for his great wealth, and his wisdom. Oh, and his many wives. The same wives who would be his downfall.

“When Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart away to follow other gods. He was not wholeheartedly devoted to the Lord his God, as his father David had been.”

1 Kings 11:4

This one verse holds two accusations against Solomon. First, he allowed his many wives to turn his heart away from following God alone and toward the worship of false gods. I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it – women have enormous power of influence. With it, we can either influence our husbands, or our leaders, toward God or away from Him. Both men and women need to be aware of how they are influencing or being influenced. Solomon, in all of his wisdom, could not see the danger his wives were presenting to him.

Second, while perhaps, and I’m just guessing here, Solomon thought that he could follow the gods of his wives and still be fully devoted to the one true God, he could not. None of us could. The question is, how many of us are trying to do the very same thing? Believing we are fully His, while giving ourselves to the pursuit of other things. Chasing our own hopes and dreams and far lesser loves. That kind of thing  doesn’t stoke the fire in our heart for God, it makes our heart, and our faith, lukewarm.

“The Lord was angry with Solomon, because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. He had commanded him about this, so that he would not follow other gods, but Solomon did not do what the Lord had commanded.”

1 Kings 11:9-10

God did not overlook Solomon’s transgressions. In fact, I don’t believe there is a time recorded where God ever overlooked unbelief and/or idolatry in His people. One could argue that the two go hand-in-hand or at least, one begets the other. When we fail to believe (trust in) God, our nature will turn us to something else to trust in, and idolatry is born.

Our trust in something or someone besides God is no light matter. It would do us well to take stock. Are we trying to trust God and our bank account? God and our government? God and our retirement plan? God and …? What are the idols we don’t think we have? Because the greatest thing that brought
about the anger and discipline of God against His people was their unbelief and idolatry.

We stand in grace, you and I. But God does not change. Which brings me to the final point of all of this.

“So the Lord raised up Hadad the Edomite as an enemy against Solomon.”

1 Kings 11:14

“God raised up Rezon son of Eliada as an enemy against Solomon.”

1 Kings 11:23

It doesn’t say that God Himself became Solomon’s enemy, but that He raised up certain men for it. Solomon would pay the price for his idolatry, but it wouldn’t come from a lightning bolt from heaven, but from men. All of that birthed this thought for me:

How many times has God used other people to straighten my crooked ways? How many of the people who have been the hardest for me to bear, were raised up by God to correct me or bring discipline to me?

As His child, I know that God will not reject me, remove His love from me, or walk away from His covenant with me. But His Word is clear that He disciplines those He loves.

So now I must look back at those times when I believed I was treated wrongly or harshly, or had people who were just a general nuisance and thorn in my side, and see if perhaps God had raised someone up to be the instrument of change for me.

The Nutshell Version:

  • Be careful of what or who is influencing you. And be just as careful how you influence others.
  • Are you wholeheartedly devoted to God? I know it may feel like you are, but does your life demonstrate that your feeling is true?
  • Is it possible that God has raised up others in your life as a correction, or discipline, of your ways? 

Solomon started well, but he did not finish well. May you and I take notice, and determine that we will finish not only well, but better than we started.

I for one want to be more on fire, longing for Him more than the deer pants for water, seeking Him with all of my heart, and have eyes that are fixed only on Him for the rest of my days. Don’t you?

When the Process is Painful

Because it isn’t if the process is painful. It will always be when, and that should change how we pray.

When we pray make me holy. Make my spouse holy. Make my children holy – then we must be willing to go through the pain of how God puts holy into us. But the hard part isn’t our pain, it’s watching those we love go through the painful process of God answering our prayers for His will be done in our family as it is in heaven.

Because for God’s will to be done, ours can’t be, and a human will in the process of dying is hard to watch.

Asking God to bring a prodigal to their senses.

Praying that those we love would walk free from fear and anxiety.

Asking God for more of His presence.

We know it isn’t a magic wand that brings the answers to our prayers. It is a powerful God and a good Father, who is committed to the process of forming Christ in us.

Which means unholy things get confronted.

Prodigals land at the end of themselves and the end of self is a painful place.

Fear and anxiety aren’t vanquished, they are faced, because trust is a choice we make in the face of something that feels more familiar.

The things we surround ourselves with must be removed, by us, to make room for more of His presence.

Wounds get opened so they can be cleansed so that the healing we prayed for can come.

Can deliverance and freedom come instantly by the hand of God? Absolutely.

But staying free is a process that involves our will and that process can be hard, because our flesh has to die in order for us to stay free, and man, that hurts.

I said all that to say this –

We pray for the outcome. God chooses the process. We cannot control it, and it will do no good to pray for God to skip the painful parts.

He loves us too much to say yes to that.

One last thing…

Not all answers to prayer are painful. God is so good, so gracious, and so merciful it’s ridiculous. But when we ask Him to do a work in us, or in the people we love, that makes us more like Jesus, you can bet something will have to die with the answer to that prayer.

A painful process is an indicator that God is doing something good. Keep praying!

My Beloved

“How is your beloved better than others, most beautiful of women?“

Song of Songs 5:9

How indeed.

My Beloved has a love like no other.

I have never known a love like His. So consistent, so willing to remain no matter what. A love that I have never had to earn, or fear losing. His is a love that heals and binds and pursues and protects and holds on and persists beyond the boundaries of my understanding. All other loves have broken me, but not His. His made me whole.

My Beloved is truer than any other.

His love is wrapped in mercy and grace and compassion that is not of this place. He has no flaw, no hidden agenda, no selfish motives. He will never show a dark side or prove to be someone other than who He has always been. And if I searched a million days and a million ways I would find no lie in Him, and He has never, not one time, gone back on His word. 

My Beloved is more faithful than any other.

He will never tire of me. Ever. He chose me and has no regret, no wondering if He made the right choice, no question, no moment of wishing He had chosen differently. I’ve never seen His back, even when He has seen mine. He has never let me down, left me disappointed, never made me feel used or too much or not enough. Every day He wants my presence, wants to hear my voice, wants to hold my heart.

My Beloved is more powerful than any other.

His power is unmatched in heaven or on earth. He makes darkness run and hide just by showing up. He makes mountains melt and is an impenetrable shield around me. He can calm any storm, split any sea, heal any disease, rend any veil, move any stone, and change any heart.

Jesus, You are better than any other, in more ways than I can count. I long to bow before You, throw down every crown, and give You endless praise. You are my first love, my King, my Savior, and my home.

The above was today’s devotional piece for Word of God Speak, my weekly email devotional, and this is my shameless pitch for you to subscribe to it. If you want. No pressure. Actually, you know what? Forget I said anything. Who needs another email? Seriously. Unless of course, you want to. Like, you’ve been wishing you could open an email on Fridays at 10 a.m. that would give you a little bite to eat, just a morsel to hold you over for a wee bit. I mean, if that’s the case then, by all means, you should totally hit the subscribe button below and fill out the very, very short form thingy. But only if you want to.

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Becoming Less

“So they came to John and told him, “Rabbi, the one you testified about, and who was with you across the Jordan, is baptizing—and everyone is going to Him.” (John 3:26)

“…He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

And the question is, are we willing to learn this most fundamental truth?

Can I handle decrease, even if everyone around me is increasing?

Can I step back instead of stepping up? Can I fade, or does that thought threaten something in me, some kind of need for affirmation? Can my sense of worth handle becoming less significant so that Jesus becomes the all in all He is meant to be?

Can I resist becoming offended when people go to Jesus instead of coming to me?

In my marriage. As a parent. In friendship. In my work. In ministry. As the Church.

Am I willing to become unseen, even after fighting my whole life to be seen? Oh my. That one hits me right in the social media plexus.

This topic could be fluffed up with a lot of words, but let’s not do that today. Today, let’s concentrate on one question –

What would it look like to decrease?

Because Jesus must increase.

It can be painful, or painless, depending on how much we are prepared to become less so that He becomes more.

Who Is With You?

“But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And God said, “I will be with you.”

{Exodus 3:11-12}

Moses, a Hebrew raised as an Egyptian who was on the run for killing an Egyptian, meets God for the first time in a bush that was on fire. With no small talk and very little in the way of introduction, Moses is given his calling. Go back to Pharaoh, who happens to want you dead, and command him to release the people of God out of slavery. Wow. 

Naturally, Moses’ first question was “who am I to do such a thing?”. God’s answer to Moses’ insecurity? I will be with you.

In other words, who you are is less important than who will be with you.

The truth about most of us is that we would prefer to do what we feel capable of doing. We want to find what we’re good at and just stick with that, without wandering into places that wake up our insecurities. 

The truth about God is that He rarely calls us to do what we’re most comfortable doing but rather, He calls us to do what will require us to rely on Him. 

I am with you is not just a nice thing for God to say, it is His assurance that He’ll have our back. He will be there with all of His power, all of His authority, all of His wisdom, all of His strength – with all of Him. He’s not saying I’ll be there, watching it all unfold. He’s saying I’ll be with you in this thing. We will be together.

And He didn’t just say it to Moses. He repeats it over and over in His Word, and, it’s one of the last things Jesus said to His disciples.

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” {Matthew 28:19-20}

What if Moses had said no? I fully believe that God still would have brought His people out of Egypt, because He is sovereign, and His plans cannot be thwarted. However, Moses would have missed out on what turned out to be the greatest relationship any man has ever had with God.

Father, I trust You. I pray that I will not seek out only what I am confident I can do in my own ability, but that I would be willing to go wherever You send me, do whatever You ask of me, knowing that You will be with me. I don’t want to miss a thing, Lord, not one thing that You want to give me, do with me or through me, speak to me, or work into me.

Internet Theology

“I am going to bring floodwaters on the earth to destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has the breath of life in it. Everything on earth will perish. But I will establish My covenant with you, and you will enter the ark—you and your sons and your wife and your sons’ wives with you.”

{Genesis 6:17-18}

 I recently saw a meme that said something along these lines:

God never told Noah not to invite other people onto the Ark.

On the surface, that sounds good. Very inclusionary. Unfortunately, it lacks theological soundness. First of all, it casts blame on Noah that doesn’t belong to him. Second, just because God did not specifically say something, does not mean He did not specifically imply it. He made it clear that He was going to destroy every living thing on the earth, but, He was making a covenant with a specific family – Noah, his wife, his sons and their wives. The implication is that Noah and his family were not given permission to invite any other people into a covenant God was choosing to make.

The suggestion of the meme is that it was not God’s intention to exclude people from the ark, but that it was Noah who chose to exclude. That goes down easy in a culture that is rallying around the word “inclusion” right now, and often the snowballed effect of that easy thought process is “God would never send anyone to hell”. The everyone goes to heaven and all roads lead to God theology, which bears no resemblance to the scriptures, is shaped by culture, not truth.

This is the danger of letting the internet determine what we believe about God. We end up with a god created in someone else’s image, and we don’t know the God in whose image we have been made.

Social media is full of things that sound good and it’s tempting to adopt them as truth. Beware! In the Word of God we have been given what is true, not just what sounds true. This is where our theology is built. The Bible is our plumbline against which every other thing must align itself.

Father, help us to let our theology be shaped by Your Word and not by our culture. Teach us and help us to steward well the truth You have given us.