“Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Acts 3:6

I would have dug around for a quarter.

Ever been in one of those awkward prayer circles? You know the scene. At church on Sunday, Betty tells Susie of a certain (or very vague) struggle she’s having. Susie gets excited and says “wait here, I’ll be right back”, and indeed she does come “right back”, with 5 other women in tow, and you’re one of them.

Sometimes I stand in those circles, and it’s like me and God are just staring at each other, each waiting for the other one to say something. I’m waiting, straining to hear Him speak in case He’s whispering. Nothing. I start to get a little nervous because it’s a circle. That means the unwritten rule of “everyone has to pray when it’s their turn” goes into effect. If you try to skip your turn, an incredibly awkward silence will ensue and your neck will get really hot and your hands become all clammy. So you start begging God for something, anything that would be even a little sincere, but He just stares at you. And now, the person next to you is taking her turn and you’re literally screaming in your head, promising God all sorts of things if He will “JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO PRAY!”. And then it’s your turn, so you kick it into auto pilot and start praying “the right things to pray”, using your finely tuned grasp of the Christianese language. Finally it’s over and you can wipe your sweaty hands on your pants and go home and brood about God’s silence when you so desperately needed Him to give you something to pray so that you wouldn’t have to fake it. Again.

Ok, maybe that’s just me. Maybe this is why I am so desperate for the heart of God. Because I’m tired of giving people what I don’t have.

So this morning I opened my bible, put on some worship music, and came with great expectation of…something. I didn’t know what it would be, but I wasn’t going to leave until my heart tasted something.

Breakfast was served…

“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched —this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.” 1John 1:1-3

“Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Acts 3:6

“When the Counselor comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truthwho goes out from the Father, he will testify about me. And you also must testify, for you have been with me from the beginning.” John 15:26-27

They proclaimed what they had seen and heard from Him, they gave what they had been given by Him, and they testified because they had been with Him.

Being with Him, hearing Him, receiving from Him. It all spells intimacy, and when we have intimacy with Jesus, we have something to proclaim, something to give. It’s hard to pray in faith for someone else when my own spiritual life is bone dry. And it’s hard to proclaim, with believability, the power of God to someone else when your own life lacks that power. Try testifying about the peace of Christ when you are full of anxiety and fear.

I may have known His peace yesterday. Perhaps I prayed with incredible faith last year. Maybe I’ve heard His voice many, many times, just not lately. But it’s no longer then…it’s now. Intimacy with God is about today, not yesterday. Did I come to the well to drink deep of Him today? Did I gather His manna today? Or am I trying to stay alive with yesterday’s bread and water? (And by the way…is that all I want? To stay alive?)

I went to the well this morning, and He met me there with this –

“I want to meet with you every single day, as long as it’s called today. Because I love you, and I want you to know it. Today, not yesterday.

And because if all you have is a quarter in your pocket, no one is going to get up and walk.”