the crack in my waiting

light-doorThe crack came this morning, and the light that found its way in was enough. It was enough for now. Enough to warm a cold place and break a hard place in my heart.

He whispered “wait for Me and light pushed in, all understanding and revealing and bright and everything. Listen up now, light is pushy when it needs to be.

It pushed its way in with this…

“…so also the Messiah, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for Him.” (Hebrews 9:28)

And I knew I’d been waiting. Waiting for a long time. But not for Him. Really, it doesn’t take much to change our waiting.

The minute I began to wait for something, I was no longer waiting for Him.  But I kept waiting, unaware that my heart had changed its mind. It used to want Him, longed for Him. Now it wanted breakthrough. It wanted provision and passion and deliverance and purpose and mission and…and so it began to wait for something instead of Someone.

And then depression settled in for a long stay and complacency became a blanket for my bones and my waiting changed again. Now I was waiting for something to lift. Waiting to feel something, anything — to feel better.  Waiting for a rescue.

Still, waiting for something instead of Someone.

And then something cracked and the pushy light came in and with it the breath of God saying “Wait for Me” and that shifts something, you know? The voice of God just moves things out of His way. When God speaks truth, lies have no place to hide.

Anything can look like a something. A paycheck can look like provision. But waiting for money is different than waiting for the Giver of all good gifts; for the Provider of the grace and mercy and love that keeps me moving and breathing.

A pill can look like rescue if I’m just waiting for something. But only Jesus can rescue me from the pain of my own brokenness.

I don’t need something, I need Someone. He comes with everything I need, everything I could possibly want. He is every longing, every yearning, every desire.

All of my fountains are in Him.

It was just a crack but it was enough. Enough to push away the somethings so that I could see the Someone that my heart was actually made to need. Enough to remind me that He is coming back and all of the somethings I’ve been waiting for will fade away. It will be worth the wait.

4 thoughts on “the crack in my waiting

  1. This is what I needed to read today. I’ve, too, have been waiting for something, asking “How long Lord?” But forgetting that I am waiting for Him, not for what I want Him to do or change or fix. Thanks for the reminder, for the refocus of my thinking from waiting for something to once again waiting for Him. Peace, Linda

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