this is me now

“I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” – Psalm 119:11

Hidden it. Treasured it. Stored it up in deep places.

Years ago God whispered this into my soul…

Theology will not keep you from sinning.

My theology on submission in marriage was good, but I was not submitting.

My theology on loving my neighbor was good, but I was not loving.

My theology on the faithfulness of God was good, but I was not trusting.

Believing the right things about God is not the same as believing God, and there is a difference between knowing what the Bible says, and having His Word hidden in your heart.

Night and day. Darkness and light. Freedom and bondage. That’s the difference.

So I learned to hide Truth in deep places where lies had been living, and submission became something to protect me instead of something meant to break me and everyone is my neighbor and God is more than worthy of my trust.

That was then, but this is me now and a fight has been brewing and no, I’m not ready to rumble.

But God is whispering to my soul again.

Theology is not your sword.

Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness,  and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God…~ Ephesians 6:14-17

take-up-the-swordWhen the devil picks a fight, it’s best to be holding something besides what I know about God. A sharp theology will not take him down.

So this is me now. This is where I am. God is good, but what is that to me? God heals, but what is that to me? God loves, but what is that to me? Is it my theology, or is it my sword? I am convinced that we do not live out of what we know, but what we truly believe, and if that is true, then I need to determine if I know God is good, or if I trust Him to be good. I’ve been turning Words over and over and asking my heart the hard questions, while God has been near, waiting and whispering.

And this is me now. Like a dog with a bone, I am hiding truth. Storing things deep. Choosing to believe. Choosing to trust. Finding my sword.

“He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.'” Mark 5:34

“And He cast out the spirits with a word, and healed all who were sick, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Isaiah the prophet, saying: ‘He Himself took our infirmities, and bore our sicknesses.'” Matthew 8:17

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10


The whisper of God is louder than the shouts of fear in my soul. I am done beating the air. I am done wondering. This is me now.

“Jesus said to her, ‘Didn’t I tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?'” ~ John 11:40

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