Category Archives: Blog

wanted

He calls out. He has always called out. He is the initiator, the pursuer, the One doing the calling, the beckoning, the inviting. Always the inviting.

Return to Me

“You have gone off, in search of other loves. You have wandered from Me,  preferring instead things that cannot love you, cannot save you, cannot be Me for you. But I have not forgotten you. Even now, I call for your return. Though you have strayed, though you have turned to idols for comfort, I call for your return. Return to Me, and I will return to you. As the father watches for the prodigal, I watch for you, ready to run to meet you as you come up from the far country. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you. You are Mine. You are loved.”

Come to Me

“Aren’t you tired of striving? Haven’t you wearied yet of your attempts to ‘get it right’? You keep Me at arm’s length because you believe you aren’t yet good enough to come any closer. Who has laid such a burden on you? Who has convinced you that there is a measuring rod called “good enough”? Who has set the yoke upon your neck that forces you to labor for My love? It was not Me. I long to give you rest from all of that. Come to Me, all the way to Me. Don’t stop short. I have no intention of making you crawl or beg. My heart is for you to come with boldness, confident in My love for you. I bled enough blood, there has been enough atonement made for you, enough death was died for you to live. Don’t you see? Enough is done. Just come to Me.”

Seek Me

“Look for Me. I won’t hide from you. I will always let you find Me. You have looked for life among the dead. Seek Me and live. You have looked for what is good in a world that has fallen under the grip of sin, for love in all the wrong places, for compassion among those who are empty, for significance in a shallow world. Seek Me. Your search will not be in vain. In Me you will find everything your heart has been longing to find. Look for Me. I am not hiding. I want to be found by you.”

It has always been this way. He calls to us, always, as in that first, “Where are you?”.  With loving kindness He draws us to Himself. With patience, He watches for our return from the far country of our own ways. With gentleness, He beckons us to bend our neck and let the yoke of slavery and striving fall, so that we can rest. And when we seek, and even when we don’t, we find Him. Because love was His idea and we are the objects of love. We are wanted. Always. No matter what rags we are wearing or the stench we carry with us. He wants us. Even  if we march to the beat of a drum no one else can hear, He wants us. In our poverty, we are wanted. In our searchings and cravings, broken or whole, we are wanted by the God who created us.

“I loved you first.

First, I loved you.

Nothing has changed.”

Isaiah 44:22; Luke 15:17-20; Matthew 11:28-30; Galatians 5:1; Isaiah 45:19; Isaiah 65:1; Amos 5:4; Jeremiah 29:13; 1John 4:19, and many more.

motivation

Jesus. What would you say about Him? How would you describe the way He lived while He made His dwelling among men? What was He after? Why did He do what He did? Love would be a very good, and correct, answer…but not what I’m going for today.

Because I had an “aha” moment.

“And they sang a new song: “You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because You were slain, and with Your blood You purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation.” (Revelation 5:9)

So I started thinking. Jesus didn’t die for me. He died because of me. I was purchased for God. His Father. Jesus died because God so loved the world. Jesus died for God, His Father. He lived for His Father, and He died for His Father.

And then I thought some more.

“Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.” (John 1:12)

The Father that motivated everything Jesus said and did is also my Father. With me so far? Good. Because right about here I started hearing questions, and things took a hard turn.

Is God the motivation of my life, or am I?

(By the way, this is the part where drawing near to God’s heart begins to burn. Read The Heart That I Want to know what I mean by that.)

When I am offended, is it because God wasn’t glorified, or because I didn’t get a “me” fix? Is it because God wanted that position in the Church? Because God wanted to lead worship that day? Did God need the attention, validation or affirmation that I missed out on? Did God want that invitation that I didn’t get? Am I offended because God didn’t get something that I desperately needed?

I will be offended on a regular basis if I am my biggest motivation.

Do I obey God at all costs, or only when it doesn’t cost much at all? Do I claim “legalism” at true sacrificial living and giving, while I pat myself on the back for not drinking enough to be considered drunk? Is my obedience based on what will make me acceptable to others, or on what truly pleases God?

When my motivation is me, mine is a cheap obedience.

Do I enter into worship because I need to feel that “something” that worship provides? Or do I enter in because my Father is God, and God is to be worshiped? Even if I don’t feel like it. Even if I don’t like the songs being done or the way they’re being done. Even if I’m lonely. Even if I’m hurting. Even if I feel empty, scared, worthless, neglected, dry or just plain tired. God is still worthy of worship. Because worship is not about me. And it’s not about you, so I can just forget about whether or not you’re watching or listening and think I’m spiritual enough or gifted enough or anything enough.

If my worship is based on what I like, how I feel or what I need, then the one I am worshiping is me.

Why do I serve? Why do I love? Why do I forgive? Why do I give?

“The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1Samuel 16:7

Motivation. It’s huge. Jesus had only one. His Father.

Can I really be…do I really want to be…that Christlike?

Something is burning.

if you want it…

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

 

You want to be near My heart? Go where you find injustice. My heart will be there, waiting for you.    loose the chains of injustice

Are you looking for Me? Go to the oppressed. You’ll find Me there.  untie the cords of the yoke…set the oppressed free

You want My heart? Go to the naked and the poor. I am with them.   give to the poor, clothe the naked

Find someone who is hungry. I’ll be there.   share your food with the hungry

Find the sick, the tormented, the lost. My heart will be there with them.  Heal the sick, drive out demons…preach the good news

Look for those who aren’t following Me. Go. I’ll be there.  go and make disciples of all nations

 I am drawn to the broken, the hurting, the weak, and to the lost. I came for the sick, the dying, the desperate. I was found among the sinners and the despised, sent to the brokenhearted and the captives, to those held prisoner by darkness. My heart is with those who mourn and those who live in despair. You want My heart?

Come and get it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeremiah 29:12; Isaiah 58; Matthew 10:8; Mark 16:15; Matthew 28:19-20; Proverbs 21:13, and many more. 

hey buddy…got a quarter?

“Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Acts 3:6

I would have dug around for a quarter.

Ever been in one of those awkward prayer circles? You know the scene. At church on Sunday, Betty tells Susie of a certain (or very vague) struggle she’s having. Susie gets excited and says “wait here, I’ll be right back”, and indeed she does come “right back”, with 5 other women in tow, and you’re one of them.

Sometimes I stand in those circles, and it’s like me and God are just staring at each other, each waiting for the other one to say something. I’m waiting, straining to hear Him speak in case He’s whispering. Nothing. I start to get a little nervous because it’s a circle. That means the unwritten rule of “everyone has to pray when it’s their turn” goes into effect. If you try to skip your turn, an incredibly awkward silence will ensue and your neck will get really hot and your hands become all clammy. So you start begging God for something, anything that would be even a little sincere, but He just stares at you. And now, the person next to you is taking her turn and you’re literally screaming in your head, promising God all sorts of things if He will “JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO PRAY!”. And then it’s your turn, so you kick it into auto pilot and start praying “the right things to pray”, using your finely tuned grasp of the Christianese language. Finally it’s over and you can wipe your sweaty hands on your pants and go home and brood about God’s silence when you so desperately needed Him to give you something to pray so that you wouldn’t have to fake it. Again.

Ok, maybe that’s just me. Maybe this is why I am so desperate for the heart of God. Because I’m tired of giving people what I don’t have.

So this morning I opened my bible, put on some worship music, and came with great expectation of…something. I didn’t know what it would be, but I wasn’t going to leave until my heart tasted something.

Breakfast was served…

“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched —this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.” 1John 1:1-3

“Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Acts 3:6

“When the Counselor comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truthwho goes out from the Father, he will testify about me. And you also must testify, for you have been with me from the beginning.” John 15:26-27

They proclaimed what they had seen and heard from Him, they gave what they had been given by Him, and they testified because they had been with Him.

Being with Him, hearing Him, receiving from Him. It all spells intimacy, and when we have intimacy with Jesus, we have something to proclaim, something to give. It’s hard to pray in faith for someone else when my own spiritual life is bone dry. And it’s hard to proclaim, with believability, the power of God to someone else when your own life lacks that power. Try testifying about the peace of Christ when you are full of anxiety and fear.

I may have known His peace yesterday. Perhaps I prayed with incredible faith last year. Maybe I’ve heard His voice many, many times, just not lately. But it’s no longer then…it’s now. Intimacy with God is about today, not yesterday. Did I come to the well to drink deep of Him today? Did I gather His manna today? Or am I trying to stay alive with yesterday’s bread and water? (And by the way…is that all I want? To stay alive?)

I went to the well this morning, and He met me there with this –

“I want to meet with you every single day, as long as it’s called today. Because I love you, and I want you to know it. Today, not yesterday.

And because if all you have is a quarter in your pocket, no one is going to get up and walk.”

the heart that i want

I recently spent some time in the prayer room at my church, telling God that I wanted more. That could sound quite spiritual, except that I wasn’t sure what “more” I wanted. I only knew I have wanted it for quite some time now.

As I sat there, swaying to the worship music and running through all of the things one might want more of, I finally realized that it all really came down to one thing. I want more of Him. Not His power. Not even the sense of His presence. In that room (where His presence surely hovered), my longing received its name.

I want to be near His heart.

I had come to that room because people were gathered to pray, and I am a woman who loves prayer. But it didn’t take long for me to realize God was after something other than my prayers. He prodded until He got my heart to acknowledge the hunger for more. And the only thing I could think to say was “Why?”. I knew that if anyone could answer the question of my own longing, it would be Him, and I was right. He knew exactly why I have been longing for a place close to His heart.

Because I’ve been there before.

I lived near His heart for a season, learning to love someone who didn’t love back…and He resurrected a marriage from the grave.

I lived there learning to trust, believe and pray relentlessly for a daughter to find her way to Him…and He went after her and brought a prodigal back from the far country.

(Being near to the heart of God is to know the agony of love.)

You see, I’ve seen and I’ve tasted that God is good. I learned that when you draw close to His heart and live from that place, He does mighty things through you, for you, and in you.

I also learned that it is a fiery place, and getting close means something will get burned. And that is the dilemma of drawing near to a heart as fierce as His. Life and death both live there. Spirit grows strong in the heat of those flames, while flesh is consumed by that same heat.

I have been away long enough. Drawn to less intense places, I have tried to be satisfied with ministry, bible study, and various spiritual endeavors, as well as other things not so spiritual. They have all left me hungry.

Maybe deep down I thought I just wanted to know His heart for me. Don’t we all want that? But in that room, while others prayed, God met my hunger and extended His hand. It held His heart, but not just His heart for me.

For the woman in the corner, and the man laying face down on the floor. For the person who brings me pain, and the one I have ignored. For the bigot and the prostitute. For the muslim, the hindu and the atheist. For the spiritually poor and the spiritually proud. For the one who doesn’t love back. For His Church, with all of her flaws. For the nations of the earth. And I knew the question He was asking.

Is this the heart you want?

Yes. Yes it is. I know it is a fierce, fiery place, that heart of Yours. I know it will burn away the comfortable places in my own heart. I know it will mean coming out of the safety of hiding behind spiritual busy-work to be exposed, naked before You. It will demand the bravery to do what I’m afraid to do.

It will be hard, and it will be beautiful.

But I’m just too hungry to settle for less.

changing forevers

fishingIt was on a beach. Men doing what they do, what their fathers did, what their sons will do. Providing food for their families; making a living. And then God walked by with an invitation.

 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”               (Matthew 4:19)

Their invitation is my invitation.  “Come with Me and take part in what I am doing. Stop spending your life on the temporary. You have eternal purpose, and your life can affect the ‘forever’ of other people.”

(My forever was changed because someone dropped their nets and followed Jesus.)

He could have done it alone. He could have fished for men until all who would be caught by grace were in, and then He could have brought this whole thing to the end. Alone. Without us.

Instead, He invited us into it with Him. Because He wants us with Him, doing what He does. Loving unlovable, forgiving, lifting lowly heads, and strengthening weak. Treating outcasts with honor, feeding hungry, healing sick. Fishing. Always fishing. Always wanting us in it with Him. Being hands doing divine work, feet going to the ends of the earth, hearts breaking for the broken, eyes looking with love. Changing forevers. Preparing a Bride.

Us with Him. Him with us. And then I hear the words that draw me deeper, higher, lower. All the way to my knees.  “Christ in you, the hope of glory”.

Christ, encountering those I encounter. The Holy One of God dwelling in me. Loving, forgiving, lifting lowly heads, strengthening weak. Honoring outcasts, feeding hungry, healing sick.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me…” Galatians 2:20

Deeper living requires deeper dying and going higher means going all the way low.

This. It is His invitation to me. To you.

This. And more.

leave there. come here.

Look down. That’s my new thing. If I’m walking, I’m watching. For crickets. Or spiders the size of my fist. Or tiny lizardy things that are blazingly fast when you’re chasing them around your kitchen. I live in Texas now, so the way I do life has changed. I will never again go to Taco Bell when I want something mexican(ish). I am now free to say y’all, and to smile and say hi to everyone I see. Because über-friendliness isn’t weird down here, it’s just the way of life. So is slow driving, but I can only adapt to so much at one time. So I wave and smile as I pass everyone on the road. That’s about the best I can do right now.

If I pull back from my microscopic stare at my life, the view is dizzying. There came an invitation. Pack. Let go and just go. Leave known, go to unknown. Trust. Believe. Now go.

Illinois seems so far behind and at the same time just right over there. Texas is so present, yet elusive. I’m not back there, and not yet fully here. But God isn’t waiting for me to get acclimated. I feel His breath blowing on embers. I hear His deep calling to mine. Pray. Listen. Hear Me. Feel Me. Know Me. Come higher, go deeper.

On the surface, it may seem like just a location change. A few minor adjustments and life should just keep on keepin’ on. It could be true if my God did anything on a surface level. If His invitations were ever to ordinary. But that has never been the case. Ever.

His voice has been whispering to me in the quiet hours… “called is invited. look at the invitation. look closer at what you have been called to…see what I have invited you to.”

The Gospel is a bloody invitation to step from this life into another.

To undergo a radically altered existence. To live beyond ordinary, beyond self, beyond…here. It isn’t about inviting Jesus into our lives. It’s about dropping everything and running to Him to find life. It is His invitation to leave our lives to be with Him, and in being with Him, to become like Him.

We are those called by God. The invited ones. Not once invited, always invited. To more.

This is what I am compelled to explore. The calling of God. This continual invitation to leave there…come here. Come closer. Come higher. Come deeper. You have been invited to more than you think.