Tag Archives: following Jesus

first let me

“A scribe approached Him and said, “Teacher, I will follow You wherever You go!”
Jesus told him, “Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head.”

“Lord,” another of His disciples said, “first let me go bury my father.”
But Jesus told him, “Follow Me, and let the dead bury their own dead.” – Matthew 8:19-22

He never said it would be easy. He said we would have a Comforter, but He never promised we would be comfortable.

But the words that laid me bare today are these, spoken by a disciple ~

first. let. me.

First let me exhaust all other options, and then I’ll reach for the hem of Your robe.

First let me figure it all out and then I’ll trust Your plan.

First let me build my life and then I’ll build Your Kingdom.

First let me seek more and bigger and better, and then I’ll seek You.

First let me worry, and then I’ll pray.

First let me hold my offense. Someday I’ll forgive.

First let me seek the approval of others, and then I’ll ask what pleases You.

First let me self-protect and then I’ll trust You with my hardened heart.

First let me enjoy my sin, and then I’ll repent.

First let me find the human love of my life, and then Your love will satisfy me.

First let me pursue my dreams, and then I’ll pursue You.

First let me soothe my own pain and when that stops working, I’ll let You bind up my wounds.

First let me protect my pride, and then I can walk in humility.

First let me.

Most of us would say that we don’t put anything before Jesus.

Most of us would by lying.

In so many ways, in so many places in the Word of God, it is made clear to us…

Jesus never agreed to be second.

i have to leave

“Come, follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.”

light-blue-background-3

That line makes it sound so easy, like all they left was nets. But I know better. We who have done some leaving to follow Jesus, we know.

I know they didn’t just leave behind their fishing gear, but their way of life. I know, because the call from Jesus for me to follow Him wasn’t just to leave drugs, but to leave a life of drugs. And then it went deeper still. Following Him meant leaving a life of numbing my pain. A life of seeking my own comfort. None of that leaving was easy, but all of that leaving was worth it.

But there are some nets that are harder to leave than others and I find myself wishing and waiting for Him to just take the stupid nets because then I could leave. Then I could follow.

As much as I want Him to just take this pride away from me, to relieve me of the burden of carrying around my selfishness and desire to have things my own way…I am going to have to face the truth.

Jesus didn’t take their nets and He won’t take mine. 

And I remember the last time I had this conversation with Him. Feeling like I just couldn’t keep going and wondering why following Him was so backbreaking hard. Finally getting brave enough to tell Him that it was just too hard. I didn’t get shamed by Him. He didn’t turn away from me. He just spoke hard truth.

“It’s hard because you’ve tried to follow without leaving.”

Following Jesus means we have to leave something. Every. Time.

Two years ago I, along with my husband, left our home, our church and our friends to follow Jesus to someplace we’d never been. I left the comfort and security of earning a living doing what I know, to go into full-time ministry doing what I’d never done. Leaving those nets was scary hard but I’ve never regretted leaving them.

Another year is coming to a close and I’m looking forward to what is coming, but I am also looking at what needs to be left behind so that I can follow Him into a new year. What are the nets I’ve held onto, continuing to cast them out to try to meet my own needs? What self-comforting, self-centered, self-sustaining ways do I need to walk away from so that I can walk in His ways?

I want to leave these insecurities that keep me from following with my head up and not down.

This comfort zone living keeps me from new places of trust.

Old ways and habits that smell like death keep me from following Him into the fullness of life.

If I can’t leave my fear then I will not follow Him in peace.

“Come, follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.“

His promise is to make me a person who lives for a purpose beyond myself.

It won’t happen if I won’t leave.

Matthew 4:19-20

today, live

hands with cups“I just haven’t figured out what I want to do with my life!”, she said as she sat across from me.  A beautiful young woman of God, with a number of options in front of her, feeling the pressure of the “plan”.

I am learning to listen more than speak, so I nod in understanding while the words well up in my heart. I knew they would probably spill out here. Here, I would say all the words I didn’t say in that moment.

Shhh. Don’t. Don’t become pressurized by the need for a plan. I know that’s what it seems you should do, have some kind of plan for your future. I know we live in a culture of savings plans, IRA’s, 401(k)’s and dream homes. I know your contemporaries have already named their future children and decided where they will retire. I know that you are young but not getting any younger and that thing called ‘future’ is hanging heavy over you. I know all of that, but I know so much more than that. Listen to me for just a moment.

The plan for your life is already in motion. It is God’s plan and it began before you did. 

Stop scanning the horizon searching for your future. It is where it should be, held in the hand of God. You will not change what is in His hand by squinting into the distance, worrying and stressing over what you should do. 

Stop straining. Relax. He has given you today and today is the plan so today, just live.

breadoflifeToday, breathe in the moments of His plan. Today, take the bread held out to you and give Him thanks and break it and give it away. Today give out love like there is no tomorrow because tomorrow has not been promised but today is here. 

Today you are His and under His care and following His steps and tomorrow they may lead somewhere new but where are they leading you today? 

Today you are here, so here is where you should be. The plan is working. The plan is just fine. Tomorrow it may look different but tomorrow is over there, where you cannot see it and worrying about it won’t open your eyes to see what can’t be seen yet, now will it?

Today, live. You are following Jesus and today Jesus is here. 

So, beautiful one. Here is your plan:  follow your Savior. He knows where to take you, and how to get you there. He left none of that up to you. Your future is kept by Him, not planned by you.

Yes, those are the words I would say to her. Because I am older now but once I was younger and I too felt the need for a plan.

I could never have planned what God planned.  

And now, as tomorrows come so much faster than they did then, I see things differently. I see that I missed too many todays because I was worrying about too many tomorrows. Opportunities to love, to forgive, to be healed, lay unused at my feet because I was looking for what God had in His hand.

lunch-calendarI have lunch planned with a friend this coming Thursday. Next week may not happen the way it’s written on my calendar. Life will probably not happen the way you have planned.

So today, live. 

“‘ For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:34

changing forevers

fishingIt was on a beach. Men doing what they do, what their fathers did, what their sons will do. Providing food for their families; making a living. And then God walked by with an invitation.

 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”               (Matthew 4:19)

Their invitation is my invitation.  “Come with Me and take part in what I am doing. Stop spending your life on the temporary. You have eternal purpose, and your life can affect the ‘forever’ of other people.”

(My forever was changed because someone dropped their nets and followed Jesus.)

He could have done it alone. He could have fished for men until all who would be caught by grace were in, and then He could have brought this whole thing to the end. Alone. Without us.

Instead, He invited us into it with Him. Because He wants us with Him, doing what He does. Loving unlovable, forgiving, lifting lowly heads, and strengthening weak. Treating outcasts with honor, feeding hungry, healing sick. Fishing. Always fishing. Always wanting us in it with Him. Being hands doing divine work, feet going to the ends of the earth, hearts breaking for the broken, eyes looking with love. Changing forevers. Preparing a Bride.

Us with Him. Him with us. And then I hear the words that draw me deeper, higher, lower. All the way to my knees.  “Christ in you, the hope of glory”.

Christ, encountering those I encounter. The Holy One of God dwelling in me. Loving, forgiving, lifting lowly heads, strengthening weak. Honoring outcasts, feeding hungry, healing sick.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me…” Galatians 2:20

Deeper living requires deeper dying and going higher means going all the way low.

This. It is His invitation to me. To you.

This. And more.

because

For roughly three years Jesus poured Himself into followers.  Teaching, loving, displaying God-power, rebuking, laughing, weeping. Living life. Pouring into people who would turn around, pour it back out, and change the world. Ordinary people who watched, listened, and followed Jesus and became transformed. Lives interrupted by God, taking them from ordinary to radical. And it has left me longing.

For a life interrupted. A life discipled by Jesus.

So back to the gospels I go. To the beginning. To hear with my eyes and receive in my heart transforming discipleship. I will write what I learn because that is the compulsion that lives in me. But I don’t want to just have something to write about. I want something to live about. Something that turns ordinary into radical.

Why now? I’m 51 and have been following Jesus for twenty-two years. Why now am I going back to the gospels to learn Jesus all over again?

Because God didn’t breathe the words “retirement” or “no longer relevant”.

Because I believe the best is yet to come.

Because I like the chase. And so does He.

Because I know He can take my breath away. Breathless. I want that again.

Because He is enough but I can’t get enough of Him.

Because He is more and I want more.

Because I’m not ready to sit down and be quiet. Because I’m a middle aged dog and I want new tricks and Jesus is always teaching, always discipling.

Because the Gospels fascinate me. Fascinated with Jesus. I need that again.

Because there is more and I’m not done yet.

would I go?

I tried to imagine myself among the twelve men Jesus called and then sent in chapter 10 of the gospel of Matthew. As I read the scriptures, I pictured myself standing among them, hearing these instructions for the first time with them. I then wondered how I would receive His instructions today, in the world I inhabit, in the Church as it is today. What follows are my thoughts as I read chapter 10 as though I am standing with the twelve. In all fairness though, these are not just my own thoughts. I have heard the same kind of thoughts expressed by others, so I can’t take all of the credit (or the rap) for what follows.

“Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons.”   What if it doesn’t work? What if I don’t have enough faith in that? What if I pray for them and they don’t get healed or come back to life? Then I’ll look like an idiot, and I’ll make people doubt Your power.

“Do not take any gold or silver…take no bag for the journey or extra tunic or sandals…”  No provisions? No money? That doesn’t seem very prepared to me. What if there’s an emergency? How can I wear the same clothes the whole time? Is it wise to depend on the generosity of the people we are being sent to?

“Be on your guard..they will hand you over…and flog you.” Beg your pardon?  Surely there is some other, less dangerous way to do this.

“All men will hate you…when you are persecuted, flee…”  I don’t want people to hate me. I work very hard to make sure people like me. And I can’t run very fast. Seriously. I can’t.

“Do not  be afraid of those who kill the body  but cannot kill the soul.”  Don’t be afraid? I’m already afraid. I was afraid when you said “flog”. Now you’re saying I might die. I don’t know about this. I have a family to think about. 

“Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” There must be some other meaning to that statement.

“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”  I don’t know. This all sounds extreme. I’m going to have to pray about this. You can’t make this kind of commitment without a lot of prayer and counsel. I need to be wise and figure out if I am really being called to do something this radical.

I wonder. If Jesus chose 12 of us today, how many of us would still be standing there at the end of His instructions? Would there be one who would say “Here I am. Send me.”?

We don’t know what those disciples were thinking or feeling.  What we do know is this. Because of the commitment of the early followers of Jesus, you and I received the good news. The willingness of a few to lay down their lives for Christ completely changed the world. We also know that the world still needs to hear about Jesus.

As I put myself among them, hearing the instructions Jesus sent them out with, I marvel at their courage. And I am inspired by their love for the One sending them. I am also very aware that I don’t really know if I would have remained standing there. I need to search my heart and examine the strength of my love and commitment to Jesus and the radical way of life that comes with being His follower. And then I need to get at His feet and ask Him to strengthen that in me that feels so weak at the moment.

I should probably also stop trying to figure out just how much a flogging would hurt. I think I may be obsessing.

they’re everywhere!

Chapter 9 is not the first sighting, but it is where Jesus taught me two lessons about Pharisees. Before I start on that, below is a partial definition of a “pharisee” from Strong’s Concordance:

They sought for distinction and praise by outward observance of external rites and by outward forms of piety, and such as ceremonial washings, fastings, prayers, and alms giving; and, comparatively negligent of genuine piety, they prided themselves on their fancied good works…According to Josephus they numbered more than 6000. They were bitter enemies of Jesus and his cause; and were in turn severely rebuked by him for their avarice, ambition, hollow reliance on outward works, and affection of piety in order to gain popularity.

I did some looking around for definitions of a “modern day Pharisee”, so that I could try to see what it might look like to be one today. I found some interesting definitions on various websites, primarily Wikipedia.

Someone that attends church every time the doors are open, yet doesn’t put what is taught into practice. They may know the Bible front to back, and back to front, but not really get the meaning of it all. They look at others, and wonder why they don’t know as much as they do about God.Their hearts are not in it, although their actions are doing all the right things, so they think. Jesus said they were clean on the outside, but dirty on the inside.

the word “Pharisee” has taken up a connotation that means a person who self-righteously follows minute religious regulations and feels holier than those who don’t.

I am going to add to these my own definition:  Someone who studies scripture and knows it well, but uses it primarily for the purpose of pointing out the “sins” of others. They hold the Word of God up to everyone’s heart but their own.

Now, onto my lessons.  In chapter 9, Jesus continues to heal, teach, and cast out demons. Everywhere He was, Pharisees were close by. They accused Him of blasphemy (v.3), questioned His association with sinners (v.11), and decided that He drove out demons by the “prince of demons” (v.34). As I read and re-read these passages, I noticed something. The Pharisees themselves never questioned or commented directly to Jesus. They said things to themselves, and they questioned His disciples. Yet, every time, Jesus stepped in and did the answering.  I asked God, “what is it that You want me to see in this?” And He asnwered.

“Pharisees are everywhere. Do not defend yourself against their questioning or their accusations. Leave that to Me. Just keep following.”

There is a difference between the loving rebuke of a brother or sister in Christ, and the accusation of a Pharisee. One will bring conviction and the encouragement to keep following Jesus, and the other will bring condemnation and the desire to give up.

So my first lesson was that they are everywhere, so just keep walking. Leave them to God. What was my second lesson?

I sometimes have the heart of a Pharisee. If you see me coming with that heart, just keep walking. Follow Jesus.