Tag Archives: forgiveness

Declaration & Praise: Day 13

“And when you were dead in trespasses and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive with Him and forgave us all our trespasses. He erased the certificate of debt, with its obligations, that was against us and opposed to us, and has taken it out of the way by nailing it to the cross.” – Colossians 2:13-14

“Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 3:13-14

I was dead and He made me live. I had a debt I could never pay and He nailed that debt to His cross and made me debt free. Today, I declare that I am forgiven. All of my sins are under the blood of Jesus and I am free from the debt I owed for them. The penalty for my sins has been paid by my Savior and I will never be required to pay it. I am free to live forever.

Today, I will not dwell on what was. I turn toward home, toward what is ahead of me, not what is behind me. I will not be passive, but will press on, pursuing what God has for me. I will not look back, but will set my gaze on Jesus. Today, I will not sit in guilt and regret, but I will get up and walk in the forgiveness of God.

Today, I will praise God for the life and freedom He has given me.

Forty Days of Praying the Word of God: Day 37

“And a woman in the town who was a sinner found out that Jesus was reclining at the table in the Pharisee’s house. She brought an alabaster jar of fragrant oil and stood behind Him at His feet, weeping, and began to wash His feet with her tears. She wiped His feet with the hair of her head, kissing them and anointing them with the fragrant oil…

…When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner…

…Therefore I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven; that’s why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little.”

Luke 7:37-38, 47

Lord, You are so worthy of every last drop of us, every bit of our worship, all of our adoration.

I pray that, with full abandon, disregarding reputation and audience, I will love You with all that I am. I pray that nothing will be too costly to pour out for You and that I will gladly let the world watch my devotion to You. I pray that mine will never be a hidden love, and that I will never hold back because of who is listening and watching. I pray that I will always be willing to push past shame, push past what others think, to make my way to the feet of my Savior and love Him much.

Father, may the Church become abandoned to You. I pray that You will draw us back to this kind of love, to be a people that weep over You. A people pouring out all they have over You, because You are worthy of everything. Worthy of nothing held back.

Open our eyes again, Lord, to the truth that we have been forgiven much. May our sins never be disregarded, seen as little that we have been forgiven. Oh Lord, remind us again and again that we are the woman with the alabaster jar, sinners forgiven much.

May we love You like that, Lord. Emptied of pride, emptied of self. Risking scorn and disapproval. Our grateful hearts on full display as we pour ourselves out on You.

May we love much.

the f-word

aphiemi is our f-word. It means to send away, dismiss, set free.  It means to forgive.

So much has been said about forgiveness so I won’t go on and on. Probably. Maybe. We’ll see.

Here is what I have seen, what I am seeing, and what I myself have done:  searched the scriptures for a way out of forgiving someone, rather than for a way into it. Usually, our way out lies in a lack of repentance, or change, on the part of the person we need to forgive.  Most often the door out of forgiving is found in Luke 17:3-4.

“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and comes back to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” 

Ergo, if they don’t repent, we don’t have to forgive them. Two other places used as a way out of forgiveness are Colossians 3:13: “Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.” and Ephesians 3:32 – “And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”

God’s forgiveness comes at our repentance, so we use repentance, or change, as our measuring stick of whether or not we have to forgive someone. So let’s just talk about that.

What if, in Luke 17, the point Jesus was making was not repentance, but forgiveness? What if He was addressing the heart of the forgiver, not the forgiven? What if He was saying “I don’t care how many times he does the same thing to you and keeps coming back and saying “sorry”…you cannot withhold forgiveness.”

I mean, what if someone coming back over and over again and repenting for the same sin isn’t really the definition of repentance, and therefore, repentance is not the criteria for forgiving someone seventy times seven?

So let’s throw Colossians and Ephesians up and see what sticks.

“Just as”. That’s what usually sticks. And so then we say God forgave us when we repented, so just as He did, we are to do. Ok, fair enough. Let’s talk about that.

What if we have no ability to offer anyone salvation and therefore, our forgiveness cannot be based on repentance? What if by “just as”, He was referring to any number of other things besides “when they repent”?

Like, completely. Fully. Unmerited. Forgiveness given when it is not even close to being deserved. Because that is how God has forgiven us in Christ, and it should make us out of our minds grateful. Not searching for a way not to give that same thing to others.

What if God was saying to us, “I so desired to forgive you that I sent my Son to die to make it happen”. What if forgiving as God forgave means looking for a way to forgive, rather than for a way not to forgive?

Well, what about repentance? What about it? First of all, those of us who are looking for a reason not to forgive, aren’t really looking for repentance. We want change. We are demanding to see the fruit of repentance before we forgive. Which is not the way that God has forgiven us. Not if we believe the gospel. What we really have to ask ourselves is not “did they repent”, but “what do we do with these scriptures”:

But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing. – Matthew 6:15

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing. – Mark 11:25

Shouldn’t those statements have us scrambling to find a way to forgive the people who have hurt us, rather than trying to find justification not to forgive them?

I know what it feels like to have to forgive someone who has done you great harm, and not owned up to it. I know how hard that is and how gut-wrenching the work of forgiveness can be.  I know that it feels like forgiveness is the same as saying they didn’t do what they did, or that what they did doesn’t matter. It feels like they are getting away with something. It feels unjust.

This has become one of the deepest truths I know:  forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. If you are waiting to feel forgiving, stop it.  We have to stop trying to figure out what forgiveness feels like, and see what it looks like. Below is an excerpt from my book on the restoration of my marriage (the book is still in process):

It looks like never mentioning any of it ever again. No matter how mad I am. No matter how hurt I am. No matter how much I want to get back at him. I choose to let forgiven things remain forgiven.

It looks like not allowing my thoughts to turn over the rocks of the past, digging up the dirt of things buried in my forgiveness. In other words, I don’t think about the things I’ve forgiven. I just don’t. If those thoughts come in, I send them right back out. I choose to think of something else. I choose to start speaking Scripture about what is true about my husband. I choose to keep forgiving.

It looks like allowing my scars to be evidence of God’s healing instead of evidence of my wounding. Those scars didn’t all come from my husband. I had to forgive the person who molested me, the ex-husband who abused me, and [many others who have hurt me deeply throughout my life].

Forgiveness in my story looks like refusing to protect my own heart from pain. It’s staying vulnerable. It looks like trusting God.

It looks like remembering how very much I have been forgiven. It’s recognizing that what was done and what was said during those years were from a place of brokenness, and broken people do broken things and we are all broken at some point. You. Me. All of us have hurt people we love. Then we pull out our scales of justice and measure how much pain we’ve inflicted against how much pain we’ve been dealt and somehow, the scale always tips in our favor. I choose to throw away the scales of what justice looks like to me, because it is mercy and forgiveness I’ve been given by God, not justice.

If you are struggling with the f-word, then do what you know to do. Repent. Turn around. Go the other way. Look for a way into forgiveness instead of a way out of it.

I promised not to go on and on. Promise broken. Forgive me.

give no advantage

“If you forgive anyone, I do too. For what I have forgiven—if I have forgiven anything—it is for you in the presence of Christ. I have done this so that we may not be taken advantage of by Satan. For we are not ignorant of his schemes.“ 2 Corinthians 2:10-11

Paul is talking to the Church about restoring a sinner back to fellowship, but let’s not miss the implication.  Our unwillingness to forgive gives the enemy an advantage and is part of his scheming against us. In other words, unforgiveness on the part of a believer is a bona fide weapon in the hand of the enemy.

demonic eyesSome offenses are easy to forgive, while others are not. But forgiving someone does not depend on the size or impact of the offense, but on the willingness of our heart. Because forgiveness, like love, is a choice we make, not a feeling we feel. The key, for me, is in recognizing that forgiveness is not just an issue between me and the offender. There are spiritual eyes watching to see if an advantage will be given or not.

Forgiveness is a spiritual game war changer.

 

she was guilty

stone“Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery,making her stand in the center.  “Teacher,” they said to Him, “this woman was caught in the act of committing adultery.  In the law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do You say?”  They asked this to trap Him, in order that they might have evidence to accuse Him.” John 8:3-6

Yesterday my team was discussing ways to get 6 women, living together in a recovery home, to be on each other’s side instead of backbiting, finger-pointing and tattle-telling on one another. This story came up. Getting them to see one another through the eyes of Jesus.Continue reading “she was guilty”

then i will look up

“My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD;
         In the morning I will direct it to You,
         And I will look up.” (Psalm 5:3 NKJV)

 I will not pray to You, and then look to man for an answer.

I will not cry out to You, and then look at my own feeble hands, as though they have the power to lift me up.

I will not voice my trust in You, and then look down in despair at my “not enough”.

I will not thank You for Your salvation, and then look to my own self-righteousness.

I will not give thanks for Your mercy, and then look upon others with scorn.

I will not call you King of Kings, and then look to earthly kings for my security and well being.

I will not sing “You alone are worthy”, and then cast my gaze to earthly idols.

I will not seek You for provision, and then look for another well from which to draw.

I will not ask Your forgiveness, and then turn my head in shame.

Though it may be but a whisper, You will hear my voice.

And then I will look up.

how many times?

Matthew 18:21-35 stands in stark contrast to a particular theory prevalent in the counsel many receive, both secular and christian.  The question of “how many times” is answered by many with “not enough to enable them”.

Peter asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive his brother when he sinned against him.  Seven times? That probably sounded like a fairly generous number. But Jesus is far more generous than we are. “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (v.22) By the way, the definition of that number is “countless times”.

Jesus then went into the parable of the unmerciful servant, explaining that God has forgiven us of all of our debt, and so we should do likewise to our fellow man. And just so we don’t think we jumped into the shallow end of the pool, He adds “from your heart”.  That means we forgive, countless times, from the very center of our being. We forgive with our will, our emotions and our thoughts.  Countless times. The same brother, the same sin.

The definition of “forgive” in this passage is to release a debt, to “let go”. How many times have we said we have “forgiven” someone, but never let go of what they did to us? We forgave with our words, but we remain angry, we continue to think about what they did, how many times they did it and why they did it.  Our response to the countless times they’ve sinned against us is often to cut them out of our life, or at least out of our hearts.  We punish with silence, with anger and with detachment, all while saying they are forgiven.

We are called to more than lip service. We are called to release people from the debt of their sin against us, from our hearts. And it’s hard. Being a follower of Christ is not sissy work. This passage in Matthew is not about “enabling” or “disabling”. It’s not about trying to figure out how many times is too many. It’s about forgiving, and as with everything else Jesus taught, it becomes about our own heart.

On the surface, the enablement theory sounds good, like we have the “sinner’s” best interests at heart. It alludes to the idea that if we don’t “enable”, we will somehow “disable” their sin. The problem is that we have no power to “disable” anyone from sinning. Sin has it’s beginning in the heart, and power over the human heart belongs to God alone.

I really think the enablement theory is about us, the person being sinned against. Its our “out” from the “countless times” of having to forgive someone. It’s our way of making forgiveness make sense. It’s what we’re prone to, this constant attempt to make God’s ways seem logical, to fit our “common sense” way of thinking. But He is not a common God, and if His ways made sense to us, they wouldn’t be His ways. They would be our ways.

Countless times. Over and over. Forgive. Why would Jesus command such a thing of us? Perhaps part of the answer lies in listening to the answer to a different question.

“Father, how many times are You going to forgive me for sinning against You?”

“Countless times”.