There were over 4500 people in the room. Plus me. I didn’t know anyone there except Jesus. That was my plan – drive two hours to be alone with Him in a crowd. Kari Jobe led worship and Christine Caine brought the word and all of that was very enticing, but really, I was there to meet with Jesus. It’s true, I could have met with Him anywhere, without even leaving my house. But sometimes, there’s just something about the going to Him that matters to me. It was the shaking off the heaviness, getting up and going that I needed.Continue reading “in the shadow of God”
Category Archives: My Personal Journey
offensive mercy
I remember this song that went on repeat in my heart. Those words that became a yearning to get out of the boat and walk on water. To go deeper. Further, much further than I could ever go on my own. Oh how I would sing it out…
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
I didn’t know. I was blissfully unaware of what deeper and further really look like — what walking on water would demand from me.Continue reading “offensive mercy”
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unicorn dreams
At the end of last year (day before yesterday doesn’t sound as good) I looked back and saw all that God had done in my life in 2014. It was good for me and helped alleviate some of the guilt of a life less lived. Today, I feel the need to do a little verbal processing, because I’m still restless. That means there’s something God wants to talk about. Don’t ask. It’s just how we roll.
Everywhere I go I hear or read about dreaming with God and it makes something inside of me twitch and question marks explode in my head. Does God dream? Does He wish for things He’s not sure He’ll ever get? No. That can’t be it. So then I must be the one with the dream. Does dreaming with God just mean that I tell Him all my hopes and wishes, followed by an awkward silence because He’s far too kind to laugh and say “good luck with that”?Continue reading “unicorn dreams”
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2014 ~ a good year for God and house plants
It’s the last day of the year and I’m not sure how that happened. I’m not ready. I don’t have my lists made yet, my house is still dirty from Easter and I have a lot of weight to lose before tomorrow. Happens every year.
December 31st is always a hard day for me. Inevitably I look back over my year and think “what the heck did I do all year? What did I accomplish?”. This year it would look something like this…Continue reading “2014 ~ a good year for God and house plants”
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what do you do when the road bends?
Life is sweet on the straight road, even if the road is narrow. Yes, the straight and narrow is easy travelling. Pick up and put down those feet because I see where I’m going and the view is wide on this narrow road. The plan filled with all my “someday” things is in hand and I’m believing the Planner and all is well.
And then the road bends. What do you do with a bend in the road? When God throws in a corner that you can’t see around? What do you do when your question of “what next?” falls at your feet all alone and no answer falls with it?
This is when anxiety knocks at your heart. It wants in and you want to open the door because frankly, you’d like the company. Road bends are lonely, quiet places and sometimes even the voice of fear is a welcome sound.
(Did I say you? Sorry. I meant me. Or I. Definitely not you. Just me and I. But it feels better to say you so I’ll just keep doing that, k?)
And you know because you’ve heard that knock before so you just know better than to open that darn door. Because anxiety never comes to visit alone. It brings friends and they come for a party in your soul. Fear, stress, worry, depression all come in wearing party hats and carrying no chocolate.
So you ignore the knocking or maybe you don’t and before you know it there’s a monster bash going on inside of you.
Because road bends are hard. They are lonely and they are quiet places that feel like God is fasting from talking to you.
When the road bends the plan falls and flutters away and what do you do when the road bends before you arrive at your “someday”? When you are too young for that ‘I’ve lived a good life’ thing and too old to believe the world is still yours to conquer. When you’ve held on to ‘someday’ so long you’ve got a hand cramp.
Well, I’ll tell you what you do. You listen to this song and you put that thing on repeat until you hear the words in your sleep. You listen to every word until the sound of anxiety knocking fades to silent.
Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard
What’s waiting around the bend may be ground shaking and stormy…not your ‘someday’ thing you’ve waited to come. And what we can’t see beckons fear to come to the door of our heart and shout ‘what if?’. True, no?
What do you do with the fear that comes with a bend in the road?
Let Truth answer the shouting of fear. God is on this side of the bend. Everything else may be hidden but God does not hide from us. He may be quiet, but He is there. With you. Always. And whatever shaking, stormy thing that may or may not be around the corner must still bow to Him, will still be controlled by the loving hand that holds your life.
Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can’t see
And this mountain that’s in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea
Right here where the road bends is where we find our heart’s true bent. We will either answer the sound of anxiety and fear pounding at the door, or we will turn the music up and trust God. Pull out our mustard seed and move the ‘what if‘ mountain.
What do you do when you can’t see around the bend?
Let the bend in the road bend your heart to believe God is good no matter what and He is for you not against you and whatever comes, or doesn’t come, He is with you.
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
It is well with my soul
There is a bend in my road and God is not fasting He is speaking through a song. And it is finally well with my soul.
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i will not die in this place
I had a vague sense of what God was calling me to this year, but it was just that. Vague. Wispy. Fragile.
But I knew He was calling. I could hear His voice. Ever have that? You know He’s speaking, but you can’t make out the words? Like the wind picks them up and carries them off before they can reach your heart.
Until you draw closer. Until you get up from your wilderness spot where you’ve set up camp and head toward the sound of the voice that makes the hunger in you start to gnaw.
Until you get close enough to realize He’s saying the last thing you expected to hear.
“So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief.”
Third chapter of Hebrews hit me like a brick in the back of the head. Those people who seem so far removed from me wandered in their wilderness until they died because they did not believe God.
I had stopped believing (cue Journey song. In your head. All day. You’re welcome).
And from the book of Hebrews His voice rose to meet my weary hunger. “Wilderness wandering is not your destiny. It is not what I had for them, and it is not what I have for you.
Do you believe Me?”
So I went to the place where my belief was safely tucked away. Fifteen or so journals filled with the cries of a heart that believed God.
I read and remembered and cried because I don’t know what happened.
I read and remembered that my life is proof that God hears and God moves.
I read and remembered that all things are possible with God.
I read and remembered what I believe.
And I don’t know if I came out of the wilderness, or if He tired of calling me and came in after me.
All I know is His voice is clear, His call for me this year is certain, no longer vague and wispy, lost in the hot wind of my wilderness.
This year, I will pray again with boldness and passion. I will ask Him for impossibles because I believe all things become possible in His hand.
I will pray for those I love who do not walk with Him to have knock down encounters with the living God. Encounters that leave no room for doubt that Jesus Christ is both Lord and Savior and that the danger to their soul does not pass with magic words but with knees that bow and necks that bend.
I will pray for marriages to be restored and not just restored but made brand new.
I will pray that depression and despair pack their bags and depart from the Beloved and that the door hits them firm on their way out.
I will pray for the broken to be healed, the chained to be set free and the lukewarm to be set on fire.
I will pray for prodigals to come to their senses and come running home to a Father that is waiting to kiss their neck.
I will pray for power from on high to come upon the Bride of Christ and make her into the formidable foe to darkness that she is meant to be.
I will pray because I believe God moves and the spiritual realm shifts to attention when the people of God cry out from the faith He has given them.
I will not pray from a place of desperation or resignation. I will not utter words from my lips while my heart remains silent in unbelief.
I will not pray for what is possible for man, but for what is only possible for an all powerful God who sits on the throne of heaven with His feet on the footstool of earth.
This year, I will pray because I believe God.
This year, I will not die in the wilderness.
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drum beats
It began with Believing for Wonderful. Then there was a teaching in the discipleship school. We wrote on a name tag the negative word that describes how we really tend to identify ourselves. My name tag was too small. I wrote Insecure because it was the least revealing and I wasn’t ready for this class of 33 strangers to know that I could have covered my whole body in name tags.
And I hated that this door had been opened because I’ve marched to the rhythm of what is behind it and I don’t know another way to march.
I want to slam that door but God opens doors that no man can close.
And now my soul is open and my name tags have been exposed and I can feel the beat of the liar playing my song full of ‘you are’s…’ and ‘you are not’s…’. And I know I get to choose but choosing is hard when you’ve marched this long to one song. Even when you know the song is a lie.Continue reading “drum beats”
Karla Jo Wasion 