Karla Jo Wasion

i prayed today

So this morning I turned a table over. I prayed. I didn’t see angels or hear the Hallelujah chorus. I just slipped into the secret place and I talked to the One who was waiting for me there. Waiting to show me something.

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” (Genesis 16:13)

I said it out loud, several times. “You are the God who sees me.”

Until I could finally admit that I was uncomfortable with that.

It’s hard to be seen, especially when we are at our worst. People go to great lengths to look their best when they know people will be looking at them. Some women won’t leave the house unless they are in full makeup and every hair is in place. I count it a good day if my socks match, because frankly, that’s the best I can do.

But I need to be okay with being seen by God. It’s much scarier than being seen by people, because I know that He sees everything I can hide from you.

So that was my prayer today.

“Help me stop hiding. Help me be willing to stand before You as who I really, really am. I want to be comfortable under Your gaze, and right now I’m not.”

And His perfectly aimed response shook the secret place.

“Because you believe that all I see is what you see. “

Nothing is hidden from His sight. Holy and unholy, the pure and the impure. Selfishness and selflessness. Disobedience, and even the smallest act of obedience. Every weakness, every imperfection, and the grace that covers all of it. His eyes miss nothing.

But here is the truth that can bring a girl out of hiding, and to her knees…

He is the God who sees me, and He doesn’t look away.

I prayed today. It was good.

my money changers

I don’t know how to write about it so I’ll just put down words and see if they make sense.

I think there are money changers in the temple that is me. Yeah..how’s that for a start?

Every time I walk into my prayer room that hasn’t heard much prayer lately, I see my prayer journals that haven’t been written in much lately, sitting on the table. They stare at me. I stare back. Sometimes I stick my tongue out at them and walk away. I am a prayer-less woman with a prayer room and prayer journals. And guilt. Lots of guilt. Because I love prayer and I know the power of it, I know the importance of it and I haven’t been very engaged in it.

But God. He’s not one to just let a thing go now is He? He stares too, just like those stupid journals and I haven’t the nerve to stick my tongue out but I do walk away. But then there is my bible, sitting open right next to my keyboard. Open to this passage…

“When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem.In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said,’Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!’ His disciples remembered that it is written: ‘Zeal for your house will consume me.'” John 2:13-17

While there are probably several reasons for Jesus’ anger, I believe the fact that they were in the temple courts, the only place the Gentiles could pray, is one of them. In the other gospels Jesus is recorded as saying that His Father’s house is to be a house of prayer. The money changers were in the place of prayer.

And then this came to mind…

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?” 1Corinthians 3:16

And that’s when the thought seeped it’s way into my frontal lobe.

“I think I have money changers in the temple.”

Things that have set up shop in the place they should not be, in the place of prayer. I can name a few of them.

Complacency. Fear. Worry. Unbelief. Busyness. Escape. I’m sure there’s more. Maybe some of them are even good things that have taken the place of the better thing. My money changers.

And you know what grieves me the most? It isn’t just that I have stopped interceding for other people, or that my journals have empty pages.

It’s that I’ve stopped talking to my Father. That’s why I wept tonight. Because I know He desires to hear my voice. He leans in for it. I know He waits for me to cry out to Him, to come to Him. He waits to answer what I’m not asking.

So I think there are some tables that need to be turned over. I think a little zeal is in order.

Thanks for letting me talk all of that out. It may not have made much sense to you, but talking about it helped me. Thanks for listening.

legacy

I really don’t know much about Margaret Thatcher, but the news headlines I read today told me far more than I found on Wikipedia.

“Hundreds of opponents of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher partied in London’s Trafalgar Square to celebrate her death, sipping booze and chanting “Ding Dong!”

That was the headline. The very sad headline.

She was a wife and a mother. The first woman to become Prime Minister of her country. Her name was known all over the world. But the legacy she is leaving behind is one that moved people to celebrate the fact that she is dead. My heart felt heavy, wondering if she had any idea how she would be remembered.

Someday, we will all be someone’s ancestor. What will those who come after us remember?

I think ‘legacy’ is hard for the young to think about for too long. The strong. The world-changing ones. Leaving their mark on the world. Give them a sword, a war cry, and a dragon to slay. Because they are young and free and strong and brave, and they are marking the world with their presence. The world is smitten by the young.

But time happens, and young doesn’t stay young for long, and then they have children. (We, too, are smitten by the young.) We soon discover that there is little time for making a mark or slaying anything and suddenly we don’t feel so brave anymore. We feel scared. We feel the weight of responsibility and life becomes a series of “right now” moments. Everything demands us “right now” and there is little time to really think about “someday”.

But it will come. I promise, someday will come. Someday, you will find yourself sitting in a chair, feeling a beautiful breeze coming through your open window, and you will read a headline. And you will wonder what will be remembered of you. What will they take away from your life?

And in that small moment, legacy will matter. What you leave for those coming after you will matter.

It will matter whether or not they saw more peace in you than anger.More grace than criticism.

More faith than fear.

Did they see an over achiever, or an overcomer, who actually overcame? Because we can call ourselves overcomers in Christ, and never really overcome anything.

It will not matter that you didn’t make lots of money. It won’t even matter if you did. What will matter is whether or not they saw that you were content either way.

Were you always waiting for something good to happen, or were you making good happen right where you were?

Were you continually chasing after something, or were you steadfastly following Someone?

Did they hear you talk about caring for the poor, turning the other cheek, loving your neighbor as yourself, obeying God…or did they see you do them?

Did you believe in God, or did you believe God? There is a difference, and the difference matters.

Whether you have children or not, legacy matters. Because you will be an ancestor to someone. There are people watching you live life. What will they remember?

don’t look back

They told her not to, but she did it anyway.

“But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.” Genesis 19:26

We read the story, that one line that is her legacy, and we wonder “what was she thinking?”. What was back there that compelled her to look, to disobey? Home? Her place of comfort? The place where she had made plans and dreamed dreams?

Perhaps it was the same things that compel us to turn our heads and look behind us. Fear of the unknown. Longing for what was comfortable, familiar. Frustration, because we had made plans in the place behind us, we had dreams back there.

Or maybe we look back because, as bad as it was, it was all we knew. Because we can become quite attached to the pain of what is behind us. Even bondage can be preferable to freedom if freedom means walking into the unknown. The Israelites proved that when they continued to look back at Egypt.

(To walk in freedom without looking back, you have to trust the One who set you free.)

The danger of looking back is the same for us as it was for Lot’s wife. We run the risk of being frozen in place, unable to move forward. We stay fixed on the past, on what is behind us and we miss out on the life that is in front of us.

Lately I have found myself looking back. Not with longing or regret, but with the mindset that what is back there can meet my needs. God has been good to not turn me into salt. Instead, He has called me forward with the promise that all I need is ahead of me, not behind me.

What is in front of me is, for the most part, unknown. Who is in front of me is not. God is in front of me, calling me to keep moving into life. To dream new dreams in new places, to take new territory. To learn of Him in new ways. To discover His provision goes before me into every new place He calls me to walk.

Perhaps it’s time for you, as well, to face forward. To turn your eyes to what is in front of you, trust God, and discover that He has life ahead of you.

Exodus 14:11-12; Exodus 16:3; Exodus 17:3; Isaiah 43:18; Luke 9:62;

a few thoughts on a good friday

I got up this morning after not enough sleep, made my coffee and sat down in front of the crucifixion. The story is familiar and strange, breathtaking and gut wrenching. Bloody and beautiful.

It is His story and it is mine, but we see it through different eyes.

“But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.”

He sees prayer. I see betrayal.

“Jesus replied, ‘Do what you came for, friend.'”

He sees a friend. I see an enemy. A traitor.

“Then Jesus said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. Go and tell My brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see Me.’”

He sees brothers. I see deserters and cowards.

His story and mine, all tangled together. I am the one He came to save and He is the One who came to save me. I had sin, He had blood and now there is blood where there used to be sin. Our stories dance together and look nothing alike.

His eyes and mine see it all so differently.

I see sinner, He sees daughter.

I see shame He sees the cross.

Seen through different eyes, our stories come together and it’s Friday. We meet at Golgotha, each bringing what is needed to the cross.

My nails, His hands. My sin, His blood. My anger, His love. My weakness, His strength. His provision, my need. His death, my life.

His story and mine all tangled together

in a beautiful bloody kind of way.

I will never be the same. He will never change.

It’s a Good Friday.

Luke 22:31; Matthew 26:50; Matthew 26:56; Matthew 28:10

today, live

“I just haven’t figured out what I want to do with my life!”, she said as she sat across from me. A beautiful young woman of God, with a number of options in front of her, feeling the pressure of the “plan”.

I am learning to listen more than speak, so I nod in understanding while the words well up in my heart. I knew they would probably spill out here. Here, I would say all the words I didn’t say in that moment.

Shhh. Don’t. Don’t become pressurized by the need for a plan. I know that’s what it seems you should do, have some kind of plan for your future. I know we live in a culture of savings plans, IRA’s, 401(k)’s and dream homes. I know your contemporaries have already named their future children and decided where they will retire. I know that you are young but not getting any younger and that thing called ‘future’ is hanging heavy over you. I know all of that, but I know so much more than that. Listen to me for just a moment.

The plan for your life is already in motion. It is God’s plan and it began before you did.

Stop scanning the horizon searching for your future. It is where it should be, held in the hand of God. You will not change what is in His hand by squinting into the distance, worrying and stressing over what you should do.

Stop straining. Relax. He has given you today and today is the plan so today, just live.

Today, breathe in the moments of His plan. Today, take the bread held out to you and give Him thanks and break it and give it away. Today give out love like there is no tomorrow because tomorrow has not been promised but today is here.

Today you are His and under His care and following His steps and tomorrow they may lead somewhere new but where are they leading you today?

Today you are here, so here is where you should be. The plan is working. The plan is just fine. Tomorrow it may look different but tomorrow is over there, where you cannot see it and worrying about it won’t open your eyes to see what can’t be seen yet, now will it?

Today, live. You are following Jesus and today Jesus is here.

So, beautiful one. Here is your plan: follow your Savior. He knows where to take you, and how to get you there. He left none of that up to you. Your future is kept by Him, not planned by you.

Yes, those are the words I would say to her. Because I am older now but once I was younger and I too felt the need for a plan.

I could never have planned what God planned.

And now, as tomorrows come so much faster than they did then, I see things differently. I see that I missed too many todays because I was worrying about too many tomorrows. Opportunities to love, to forgive, to be healed, lay unused at my feet because I was looking for what God had in His hand.

I have lunch planned with a friend this coming Thursday. Next week may not happen the way it’s written on my calendar. Life will probably not happen the way you have planned.

So today, live.

^“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:34

believing for wonderful

Different. Wrong. Abnormal. Words that describe how I have felt most of my life.

The struggle to feel right, or normal. Always, every day, in every circumstance, I felt different, somehow wrong inside. I never fit in anywhere. I didn’t belong. I was just small when someone did things to me they should not have done and told me not to tell and something inside of me shifted sideways and I never again felt what most people want to feel. Normal, right, okay…whatever words you want to use, I never felt any of them. I still don’t, but most people wouldn’t know it. It’s like walking around with a low-grade fever all the time. You’re the only one who knows there’s something wrong.

I never understood it, never knew what it was, I just knew it was there. It was how I lived my life. And it wore me out. But God knew and God cared so He reached out and touched something and it all came rushing out like dirty water. It came rushing out and when it did He named it shame and I knew, just knew, He was right.

And because He is good He had begun preparing me before any of this surfaced. He laid my eyes on Psalm 139:14 and something in me caught its breath as He asked me “when did it stop being true?”. I was still turning it over and over in my hands and in my head days later when the rushing like dirty water came up and out.

“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

…and I knew the words I had laid my eyes on were a sword I was going to have to pick up. Because it cuts through shame and it severs the lie right out of any heart that is willing to believe with a let-go-and-fall-back kind of trust. Because it never stopped being true, not for a moment. Not before, and not after the thing that broke something inside of me. Nothing I did and nothing that was done to me turned Psalm 139:14 into a lie. Nothing.

fearfully. yare’. ‘in a wonderful manner’, or ‘wonderfully’…

wonderfully made. palah. ‘to be distinct, be separated, be distinguished, to be set apart. To be wonderful’.

(And I laugh as I see ‘wonderfully made to be wonderful’, and then I try not to cry as I hear Him whisper…)

“Beloved, you have wonderful all over you.”

(And you should laugh and then try not to cry because He’s talking about you and not just me.)

I am a work of God and therefore I am wonderful, and I will say it and say it until it rings true in my heart. Because wielding the sword is not done well unless it is done often. Over and over, until the lie is dead and truth lives in its place.

I will praise Him for what He has made.

I don’t know what you are dealing with or what broke something inside of you. I don’t know if you carry shame or if it is something else that makes you feel somehow wrong inside. I don’t know what lies you are believing.

Not good enough Not pretty enough Not smart enough

Unlovable It’s all your fault Not normal

Unacceptable Failure Tainted Used Wrong

Bad Stupid Broken Too much Too little

And it all goes down easy. We take it in and live our lives by it and never break a sweat. A lie is spoken and it sounds just right to us so we take it and claim it and we let it call the shots.

But the truth is turned over in our hands, peered at from every angle, almost with suspicion. And when finally we choose to believe that truth, it’s hard and we weep because we want so badly to believe it and it’s probably true for others but not for me, but we must choose. We must, no matter how hard, no matter how suspicious it seems, we must choose to let go and fall back into ‘fearfully and wonderfully‘ made. Because we want to be free.

Our hearts can easily memorize a lie but must work hard to remember truth and this is life in a fallen world.

It takes great effort to live by the truth.

Over and over…until you know this full well…

You are a wonderful work of God.

“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”

Psalm 139:13-16

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