Category Archives: In the Word

i learned a new word today

“Now when He saw the crowds, He went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to Him, and He began to teach them…” (Matthew 5:1-2)

So I went too, because I want, need, crave His discipleship. At first, I just listened to the cadence of His voice because, frankly, I had heard these words before.  The temptation was there to just move on. But something was pushing at my brain, clamoring to get in.  I kept listening, making Him repeat every word over and over because something was there and it wanted in. And then a list started forming in my head. Books. Drugs. Alcohol. Men. Marriage. Children. Church. Gifts. Purpose. Calling. (Stay with me, it will all make sense eventually. Hopefully.)

And then the door flung open and there it was. On this mountainside, Jesus turned “happy” on its’ little head. My list has a title – “My Search for Happiness”. And the whole world has a list because those who bear the image of their Creator are on a continual search for “happy”. So here, on this mountainside with my mysterious Friend, I felt the ground shift ever so slightly. I put Jesus on repeat, slowed down His voice and just listened.

“Blessed [happy]are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”.

Happy happens when you know full well that you have no power, no authority what so ever, apart from Jesus. There’s no revelation, no movement, no healing, no freedom, no salvation…nothing in you. So you continually have your hand out to God. And in that place…knees to the ground, hand out, fully aware that you have nothing…He gives it all to you.

A spiritual beggar has more power and authority than any other person on earth. And that makes them happy. Happy to be poor in spirit, because when they walk in that, heaven comes down. Healing happens, for real. Darkness is overcome, for real. People are set free, for real.

I listened to Jesus today, and realized that I know too many words. Calling, destiny, gifting, purpose. Good, useful words, except when they spell happiness. When they eat away at my spiritual poverty, they become dangerous.

My search for happiness started early, as a little girl who discovered the wonderful escape route of books. The search looked different as I became different, and you would think that it would have stopped when Jesus found me. And actually, it did, in part. I have a deep joy in me that nothing can touch, thank You Jesus. But I’ve still looked for “happy” and simply exchanged words like “drugs and alcohol” for “calling” and “purpose”.

The disciples went to Him as He sat on the mountainside, and He taught them. I was there. I learned a new word.

Poor

 

 

 

 

**Disclaimer time:  I know that the Beatitudes are speaking, at least in part, of those who will receive salvation. But I have asked Jesus for more. For deeper. I believe that the word of God is relevant to me every day of my life. If it is only referring to salvation, then these verses in Matthew would no longer be relevant to me, because I have salvation. So today’s post is simply what I heard Jesus speaking to me, for me, today. I’m not trying to make up a new doctrine.

i need to know

The news spread. People were bringing others with them, and soon there was quite a crowd. There were sick people everywhere…because they had heard. People in pain, some having seizures, some paralyzed. And, really? Yes, really. The demon possessed were there. Oh, it was all very messy. Very unsanitary. Strangely enough, He didn’t seem the least bit uncomfortable.

He healed them. All of them. Even the messy ones. And the crowd kept coming, growing, following Him. 

nail pierced hand of Jesus editedI’m trying to watch it all through the eyes of a disciple. Who is this man Jesus, this magnet for broken and messy people? This One with beautiful mercy for the pained, the shaking, the sick-to-the-bone and out-of-their-mind ones? They saw healing flow from beautiful hands that would soon be wrecked by the nails of their sin. But they didn’t know that yet. They only knew that He was willing to touch messy and broken. He became the destination for the desperate and the desperate left healed. And the eyes of a disciple grow wide.

Because I know. I know those hands with their scars and the nails that put them there. I know beautiful mercy. I know the willing touch of the Healer God who beckoned me to follow Him and now we’re standing in the midst of messy and I need to know what I know. Love heals broken. Mercy triumphs over judgement. Holy came to unholy to make it holy. Scarred hands are beautiful and blood washes clean and God came to messy people because messy people need God.

And if I’m going to follow Him, I need to know. 

“Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.  News about Him spread all over Syria, and people brought to Him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and He healed them.” Matthew 4:23-24

at the beginning going low

I was going to skip the genealogy (as I usually do). But I was determined to start at the beginning, so I read every single “father of…” in the first 16 verses of Matthew. And then I went back. Something in verse 5 caught my eye.

“Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab”.

woman's eyeA prostitute of Jericho. Her story is in the second chapter of Joshua. Two spies sent by Joshua to “look over the land” stopped at her house, and her life would never be the same. She had no idea that their decision would place her in the lineage of the Messiah.

To the people of Jericho, Rahab was probably just another prostitute. I wonder if she ever came to understand that she was so much more than that to God.  Did she ever realize that in the small decision the two spies made to stop at her house, God’s plan for her took flight?  She saved them with a lie, they saved her through a scarlet cord. She lived among the Israelites for the rest of her days, giving birth to the famous Kinsmen-Redeemer, Boaz, and becoming the great-great grandmother of King David. Not only is she listed in the genealogy of Jesus, but her faith is mentioned in the books of Hebrews and James. To Jericho, she was just a prostitute, but God knew her. And He made sure we would never forget her.

It all began with the decision to stop at the house of a prostitute.

And God whispered a word and brought a memory with it. “Significant.”

My son was going to college in Waco, Texas. His older sister was here with us in Illinois. A prodigal, still living in the far country. One day my son was sitting outside on campus and prayed for his sister. He heard God tell him to invite her to move to Texas, so he called. She said yes and moved to Waco.  She joined his church community and God caught the heart He had been pursuing. She is in Uganda now, obeying His call to go to the nations. The prodigal has returned home to the Father and is now wildly running her race with Jesus. Because a brother prayed for his sister, and then obeyed the voice of God and picked up the phone. Small decisions, a prayer and a phone call. But in the hand of God they changed a life that is now changing other lives.

I went back to the beginning, and find myself sitting in the genealogy of Jesus, filled with an awe that makes it hard to breathe. Because God is huge and an encounter with a prostitute changes everything and a prayer and a phone call can change a life because everything matters and Who is this God who does these things?

And then awe deepens and I go lower.

Because I have lived my whole life feeling insignificant.

And I feel His gaze and go lower still. Because I came back to the beginning and He met me here and something is shifting and what else do you do when God is looking but go lower? What do you do when God shows up in the “father of…” part of the beginning and speaks healing over you? When your mind is bombarded with the knowledge that everything matters?  Phone calls and prayers and prostitutes and a scarlet cord and you, yes you. Your life, your love, your pain, your prayer, and your hunger for more. All significant in the plans and the hands of God.

You go low and you weep at the wonder, and significance, of it all.

because

For roughly three years Jesus poured Himself into followers.  Teaching, loving, displaying God-power, rebuking, laughing, weeping. Living life. Pouring into people who would turn around, pour it back out, and change the world. Ordinary people who watched, listened, and followed Jesus and became transformed. Lives interrupted by God, taking them from ordinary to radical. And it has left me longing.

For a life interrupted. A life discipled by Jesus.

So back to the gospels I go. To the beginning. To hear with my eyes and receive in my heart transforming discipleship. I will write what I learn because that is the compulsion that lives in me. But I don’t want to just have something to write about. I want something to live about. Something that turns ordinary into radical.

Why now? I’m 51 and have been following Jesus for twenty-two years. Why now am I going back to the gospels to learn Jesus all over again?

Because God didn’t breathe the words “retirement” or “no longer relevant”.

Because I believe the best is yet to come.

Because I like the chase. And so does He.

Because I know He can take my breath away. Breathless. I want that again.

Because He is enough but I can’t get enough of Him.

Because He is more and I want more.

Because I’m not ready to sit down and be quiet. Because I’m a middle aged dog and I want new tricks and Jesus is always teaching, always discipling.

Because the Gospels fascinate me. Fascinated with Jesus. I need that again.

Because there is more and I’m not done yet.

rememberings and flames and a sovereign God

“Word of God speak”. With that request and a cup of coffee nearby, I open my bible and it falls open to the worn, ink marked pages of Matthew. I flip to the Psalms. Then to Samuel. Quiet. Unlike my anxious thoughts and wonderings of late. Little fears murmuring away in my heart.

So I settle back into Matthew. Into familiar, beloved words, thinking surely I will not hear Him speak from here, the book I have studied more than any other. Oh the foolishness of me.

Mary is pregnant. God’s promised plan of redemption is full on in motion. But  Joseph is planning a divorce. So God sent a dream. To fulfill a prophecy.

“But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife…All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet:  “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”—which means, “God with us.” (Matthew 1:20-23)

Redemption is born and Magi want to worship. And a king wants to kill. So God sent a dream. To fulfill a prophecy.

“When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. ‘Get up,’ he said, ‘take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt’…And so was fulfilled what the Lord had said through the prophet: ‘Out of Egypt I called my son.’” (Matthew 2:13-15)

An evil king dies and the Redeemer returns to Israel. Because God sent a dream. To fulfill a prophecy.

“Having been warned in a dream, he withdrew to the district of Galilee, and he went and lived in a town called Nazareth. So was fulfilled what was said through the prophets” “He will be called a Nazarene.” (Matthew 2:22-23)

Redemption birthed. Prophecy fulfilled. And with my eyes, I hear God speak.

Sovereign.

“What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.”    (Isaiah 46:11)

And in my heart a flame flickers…

as I remember whispered words. Promises made by the Promise Keeper.  My fingers rush past Matthew and the flame glows and moves with the breath coming from the page.

“The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1Corinthians 1:8)

“…He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

“The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever…” (Psalm 138:8)

Sovereign. Still. Yet. Continually. Until finally.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”  He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” (Revelation 21:1-5)

The flame burns. Murmuring fears and nagging doubts cringe from the heat. As I remember.

The Word of God speaks, and God keeps that Word.

 And what of you? What has God spoken over your life? Does it seem long ago and far away? Have you forgotten? Remember! Hold fast to God! What He has spoken, He will surely bring about; what He has planned for you, He will surely do!

soldiers

In 1981 I joined the Army, and after basic training went to Germany to serve my three years. It was peacetime, and I was one of thousands of soldiers helping to maintain an American presence in Europe. While there, I observed three types of soldiers.

The first type were the young ones who had never been to a foreign country before. They were like kids in a candy store – all hopped up on sugar. They wanted to see, taste and experience everything they could in this foreign land. They learned enough of the language to get around and communicate with the locals, and even their living quarters took on a German look, as they surrounded themselves with the things of the land. Their military mission was more of a side-line in this adventure in a foreign culture. They talked about home mostly as a place they will eventually go back to, but in the meantime, they are enjoying this strange, foreign place.

The second type of soldier became completely immersed in the culture, and usually ended up making it his home after his time in the military was over. They usually end up retiring in Germany, often marrying German wives, and live out their lives there. They rarely, if ever, talk about home, because this place has become their home.

But then we have the third type of soldier. They are usually somewhat older, but not always. They rarely venture off base, learn little of the language, and are generally unbedazzled by this foreign land. They are there to do a mission and then get back home. They know it is important that they be here, but they also know they won’t be staying. When you talk to them, they always talk about home, and you can hear the longing in their voice. They are focused on the task they are there for, but you can tell that their hearts are somewhere else. They don’t hate this place, and even find enjoyment in the good things it has to offer…but they have no desire to stay here.

It all just begs the question…”which one am I?”. Which one are you? Have you accepted the gift of salvation offered by Christ, yet still want to taste, see and experience everything this world has to offer? Have you been transferred from the kingdom of darkness into the Kingdom of God, but remain fascinated with the things that belong to the darkness? Has the work of the Kingdom taken a backseat to your desire to enjoy life here to the fullest?

Have you made this place your home, becoming completely immersed in the culture around you? Has this place so captured your heart and mind that no one would know that you are a foreigner here? Do you ever talk about home, or is this place now home for you?

Or are you the one who keeps these things in mind:

“All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own.” Hebrews 11:13-14

“Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.” 1Peter 2:11

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:1-3

Fellow soldiers, it is not peacetime in this foreign land. We are at war. We cannot make ourselves at home here, and allow the enemy to distract us with what surrounds us. Nor can we allow the devastation brought by war to cause us to retreat in fear and despair. We must stay focused. We must remember where we are and why we are here. And we must keep our hearts turned toward home.

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.” Psalm 73:25

the writing in the dust

Twenty-two years and seven months ago I surrendered my life to Christ. I was an emotional wreck, my marriage was a mess, I had a 3 year old daughter and was 9 months pregnant with my son. I was in crisis and, for the next twenty years or so, I remained in crisis. My marriage went from bad to worse to dead, while at the same time my daughter went spiraling out of control into self-destructive darkness.

In the midst of all of that, I discovered God. He taught me how to fight, and how to run for cover behind Him while the enemy assaulted my family relentlessly. I came to know His faithfulness, His power, and His own relentlessness to protect and defend that which is His. I came to know my all powerful, ever faithful God through a very long time of crisis. And now, my marriage is restored, and both of my kids are living lives sold out for Jesus. The dust has settled, and God stands victorious over the enemy who sought so hard to destroy a family. So for the past two years I have been trying to figure out what this nagging feeling deep inside of me is about. Why do I feel like I am wandering aimlessly around, looking for something I cannot define? This morning I figured it out. Actually, God figured it out and then told me about it.

I don’t know how to do relationship with God without a crisis.

For two years I have blamed this emptiness, this total dissatisfaction inside of me on everything from empty-nest syndrome to menopause, and my latest one…depression. All of those things are true in my life, but they are simply words to describe my behavior. They don’t explain the ache deep inside of me that co-exists with complete numbness. My empty nest isn’t the real reason that I feel more lost than found, or why the scriptures that gave me life all those years now look like just words on a page. This is me, being real. Because I can’t be anything else right now. I don’t have the strength for it.

But at least I know what it is now. I feel as though God just wrote it in the dust on my dining room table (because depressed, menopausal women who live in empty nests don’t dust very often), and He and I just are staring at the truth in that dust. Now what? Do I introduce myself to this omnipotent Being who just pulled my family from the wreckage of hell, as we both stand here in the after-the-war silence? What do I say, when shouting and declaring His promises over my family seems out of place now?

It was the voice of my daughter that God used to write the truth in that dust. We had a conversation this morning…her in Africa, me here in this very quiet house in Illinois. As I told her a little bit of my “empty-nest” woes, she matter of factly said this, in so many words:

“Being a wife and mother is a gift God gave to you, but it is not why He created you. You were made for relationship with Him, so maybe that’s what you need to concentrate on now.”

That’s what I heard my daughter saying to me. But what I saw God writing in the dust was, “You don’t know how to be in relationship with Me outside of a crisis”.

So, here’s the deal. I love God. I love His Word. I know His faithfulness and His power to heal and restore the most broken things. I know Him as a victorious God that puts the enemy to flight, chases after prodigals until they chase Him back, and turns hearts of stone into hearts of flesh. I know Him in the rage, chaos and deafening sounds of battle. I know my place and my purpose in the war.

I’m just unsure of what to do in green pastures, beside quiet waters.

Standing across from Him, staring at the truth, I could think of only one thing…

“My heart says of You, ‘Seek His face!’ Your face, Lord, I will seek.” (Ps. 27:8)