Tag Archives: mercy

Declaration & Praise: Day 8

“ Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” – Hebrews 4:16
“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2Corinthians 12:9

Today, there is access to the throne of God for His people.

I have access to grace.

I have access to mercy.

I have access to the Spirit of God who dwells in me.

Today, I will not believe that I have nowhere to turn. I will not choose to seek what I need from any other source, for I have been given access to the throne of God by the blood of His Son. I will not tiptoe in, wondering if He will grant me what I need. I will run there with confidence and receive what He offers. Grace. Mercy. Help.

I am not strong. Any inner fortitude, any stubborn refusal to quit within me is utter weakness. I have no boot straps to pull myself up with and I have no wits about me with which to make it through this life. I will boast of, not attempt to hide, these truths, for my weakness invites the power of God. My weakness shows off the sufficiency of His grace.

So today I will not pretend to be strong, but will live and move and have my being in the grace of God.

Declaration & Praise: Day 5

“God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not fulfill it?” – Numbers 23:19
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” – Lamentations 3:22-23

Lord, You are not like me. You are other than, beyond me, and yet, with me. There is no darkness within You that would provoke You to lie, deceive, trick me. You say what You mean and You mean what You say, and what You say is what You will always do. Because You are faithful.

You are faithful to love me to the end, no matter what. Faithful to extend mercy, not once, not twice, but every single day. Every day I wake up to Your mercy. Every day I live and breathe and love because You have mercy on me. Because You are merciful, I have been born again. In Your mercy, You stay near and not far off.

Your faithfulness to me is not in response to my faithfulness to You, it is who You are. If I turn out to be faithless, You will remain faithful. You will not turn from me, write me off, or un-choose me. You are not fickle toward me, but utterly faithful to Your commitment to be for me and not against me.

Every word, every plan, every promise will be fulfilled, because You are faithful.

Today, I will refuse to believe that You are like us. I will not wonder if You will say one thing but do another. I will not allow an expectation to grow in me that You will turn against me, forget me, or leave me hanging. I will choose today, to believe You, to take You at Your word that great is Your faithfulness. Today, I will remember that You are faithful, loving, merciful and true. To me.

this is how He captured my heart

matt-9It amazes me that I can read passages that I’ve read many times before, and still see something new. This chapter is full of familiar stories of healing and confrontation, but in the midst of all that He is saying and doing, I find the heart and character of Jesus.

And my own heart is compelled to run to Him all over again.

Some men brought to him a paralyzed man, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the man, “Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.”

His paralysis remained but his sins did not and Jesus called it a ‘take heart’ moment. And in those few moments between the spiritual healing and the physical healing, I wonder what the paralyzed man was thinking. Was he disappointed that Jesus gave him what he couldn’t see, leaving his physical need unmet? Did his heart do what mine does sometimes — put the spiritual healing in a pocket and hold out its hand for more of what it really wants?

And I wonder if, a few minutes later, he was blown away by the profound generosity of a Savior who gave him what he desperately needed and then lavished him with what he desperately wanted. Did it occur to him (or me) that the forgiveness of sins was what he needed the most and deserved the least? Me and that paralyzed man have this in common…

We should be blown away by the generosity of God.

 Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, ‘Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?'”

Nothing is hidden. No thought. No action. No intent of my heart. But the lump in my throat is not because He knows. It’s there because He’s always known and it didn’t stop Him. He pursued me anyway. Chose me anyway. He is so very different from you and me. He has known all there is to know of me, and still He calls me beloved.

And this becomes the death knell to my shame:  I am fully known yet fully loved.

 “While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?'”

phariseesOf course they asked. They needed to make a point. Holy does not mingle with the unholy. Rules were breaking and they didn’t like it one bit. Most of us know at least one pharisee in our lives. Some of us have to look no further than a mirror.

But it is His answer that captivates me.

“I desire mercy”

For three months I didn’t know if there was cancer anywhere in my body other than my uterus. They saw something in my lung and then in my breast and the waiting about did me in. In that waiting, I found myself with one cry, and I raised it every day. “Lord have mercy.” Given the way I had treated and neglected my body, and my family history, I believed that the only way I was not going to have more cancer was through the mercy of God. 

Two days before Christmas mercy fell with the words “your PET scan is clean”.

The fact that Jesus eats with sinners means one thing to a pharisee and something else entirely to a sinner.

But His desire for mercy means everything to me.

girl-in-shockI love that He can move mountains, that His voice can shake the earth and that He can tell sickness and disease to get out and they have to obey. His power and authority leave me wide-eyed with wonder and awe.

But this…

He is profoundly generous, giving me what I desperately needed the most and deserved the least. And then He lavished me with what I desperately wanted. He fully knows me and my every thought. Every motive of my heart, every desire that is less than pure, every prideful, selfish piece of me. And He loves me still. And though judgment and punishment I have well earned, the desire of His heart is mercy. 

praise-you-god-i-give-it-all-to-youThis is how He captured my heart.

my heart in the song

I recently experienced a bit of a traumatic event, which I fully intend to blog about very soon. But it left me fearful and sent me into a seclusion of sorts, even from (especially from) God. So this morning I opened my bible and put on a worship song. And then I was on my knees.

“Here I am, down on my knees again, Surrendering all, Surrendering all…”
 I know. I’ve been here before. I thought “all” meant “all” the last time I surrendered all. So I want to apologize for this white flag, but I can’t. I’m too exhausted. Made weak by my own strength.  I tried to buck up, suck it up, just move forward and move on. I wanted to be a big girl. A grown up. A warrior. Instead, here I am, down on my knees surrendering all. Again.
 “Find me here, Lord as You draw me near, Desperate for You, Desperate for You”
 Are You surprised by my desperation? Shouldn’t I be out moving mountains and slaying darkness with confidence? Shouldn’t there be a bible study or sermon that took hold, preventing me from landing in this place, trying to bat away condemnation for being so desperate? For You. The One I have been avoiding, running from for days, maybe longer. Are You surprised, like me, that my desperation is for You?
 “Drench my soul, as mercy and grace unfold, I hunger and thirst, I hunger and thirst”
 Don’t be thrifty. Not today. I need all You have to give. Mercy. For things done and undone. Said and unsaid. For the second guessing, the what if’s and the why’s. Mercy for the bruises left by my self-loathing. Mix it with Grace. Water that washes it all away, leaving me back on my feet but not far from my knees.
 I know. I should be full by now, because You have poured and poured and poured. But this is me. Panting, hands cupped like a beggar. Begging for more. And in the air around me a question hovers – “Why are you here, begging, again?”, and the implication reeks of shame.

Because I hunger. Because I thirst. Because I know that if I come, He will give. Because what He has never runs out.

 “With arms stretched wide, I know You hear my cry, Speak to me now, Speak to me now.”
 I just need Your voice to say something, anything. Is that ok? Is it ok that my heart is hiding right now, and the only thing that will bring it out is Your voice? Is it ok that all of my desperation, all of my hunger, all of my flag waving on my knees surrender it all again comes down to “speak to me God. Please.”?
 And so I heard, finally. Because He had been speaking all along, but my heart had hands over my ears and my eyes shut tight because I have been afraid. But here on my scratchy carpet with the song playing from the little speakers attached to my old computer, the hands came down,  and I discovered the real fear. The one I hadn’t named.

“I’m with you.”

Three words that spoke many more.

“I am here, not over there waiting for you to get over it. Peace is here, not around the corner waiting for you stop being afraid.  Mercy is here, not over there waiting for you to feel bad enough, sorry enough, or anything enough.  Grace is here, not waiting somewhere else for you to get stronger and braver. Love is still here. Right here.  I am not mad at you, disappointed in you or finished with you.  I am not waiting for you. I am with you.”

Thank You Jesus, for hearing my heart in the song. For knowing what to sing back to me.

“I Surrender” – Hillsong Live

 
 
 

i need to know

The news spread. People were bringing others with them, and soon there was quite a crowd. There were sick people everywhere…because they had heard. People in pain, some having seizures, some paralyzed. And, really? Yes, really. The demon possessed were there. Oh, it was all very messy. Very unsanitary. Strangely enough, He didn’t seem the least bit uncomfortable.

He healed them. All of them. Even the messy ones. And the crowd kept coming, growing, following Him. 

nail pierced hand of Jesus editedI’m trying to watch it all through the eyes of a disciple. Who is this man Jesus, this magnet for broken and messy people? This One with beautiful mercy for the pained, the shaking, the sick-to-the-bone and out-of-their-mind ones? They saw healing flow from beautiful hands that would soon be wrecked by the nails of their sin. But they didn’t know that yet. They only knew that He was willing to touch messy and broken. He became the destination for the desperate and the desperate left healed. And the eyes of a disciple grow wide.

Because I know. I know those hands with their scars and the nails that put them there. I know beautiful mercy. I know the willing touch of the Healer God who beckoned me to follow Him and now we’re standing in the midst of messy and I need to know what I know. Love heals broken. Mercy triumphs over judgement. Holy came to unholy to make it holy. Scarred hands are beautiful and blood washes clean and God came to messy people because messy people need God.

And if I’m going to follow Him, I need to know. 

“Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.  News about Him spread all over Syria, and people brought to Him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and He healed them.” Matthew 4:23-24