Category Archives: Blog

flight of the bumblebee, a/k/a me on a walk

Today’s walk was an interesting revelation for me.  It brought new meaning to the following scripture –

1Peter 4:7 ~ “Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.”

You’ll understand after you spend a few minutes in my head during my walk:
“Ahhh. Thank you Lord for this beautiful day, and this opportunity to pray for my neighbors. I want to lift up the family in that hou…” “Really? Dude. Buy a muffler.” “Sorry Lord.” “Mmm. This breeze feels so nice. I love trees. Your creation is so beautif…” “OMG…that guy really wore black socks with sandals to water his lawn! I wonder if it would be rude to take a picture with my phone. Maybe I could take it without him even notic…” “Sorry Lord. Oh…those birds sound so nice! It’s like they’re singing to each other.” “Wow my hips are starting to hurt”. “Lord, I pray for the family in that house. I see the mother sometimes, and she always looks so sad, and…” “Dang..stupid mosquitoe bites. It’s hard to walk and pray when I keep having to stop and scratch. Oooh. That would be a funny bumper sticker”. “Ohhhh, there’s a squirrel! Jesus, You know how much I love squirrels! You are so good to me…” “Whoa…lady. You apparently got interrupted while getting dressed, didn’tchya? Forget to go back to it?”…”Oh man, I just love that tree. It’s so majestic and beautiful. It’s a reminder of You, Lord, every time I walk pas…” “Oh gross. A dead bird. Aw man…someone should clean that up.” “Lord, thank You for summer. I love this time of year! The warmth of the sun on my face, it’s just so wonderf…” “Oh my…you’re a strange looking little dog now aren’t you? Poor thing.” “Whew. Almost home. I love taking these walks with You Lord! We’ll do it again tomo…” “Awww. Look at the cute little girl in her sassy pink flip flops! I can’t wait to be a grandma!”…

See what I mean?

Marriage Matters—next time, i’ll just go ahead and die

It happened again. I lived when I should have died. And the livin’ got ugly, let me tell you. Everything I’ve learned about marriage ran screaming from the room. Ok, maybe that was me running and screaming. Either way, I am still suffering the repercussions of a dynamic marital explosion between two people who should have died, but chose to live. It feels somewhat like a hangover. All because he said something I didn’t like in a tone of voice that just yanked my chain. I should have just died. I’d feel a whole lot better today.

I’m a big fan of going into things with eyes wide open. That’s why I think preachers should say, “Marriage is good. You guys are gonna make it hard.” during every wedding ceremony.

Marriage was God’s idea, therefore it is good. We’re the ones that give it a bad name.

When God began the process of restoring my marriage, He started with me. I argued vehemetly against this tactic, since I was clearly the victim in this marriage. I mean, it was just so obvious. God saw things differently, and I lost the first of many arguments. To prove His point, He began exposing a lot of things. Ugly things. Anger, pride, rebellion, unforgiveness and a mindset that was based on self-interest. Just to name a few.

My story of restoration is a bit long for a blog post, so I’ll just give you a few of the lessons I learned. Of course, it comes with the disclaimer that what I learned isn’t always followed by application. If it was, I wouldn’t have this headache.

~ For a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, to be restored, people are going to have to change.  You may have to go first. In fact, I’d say it’s a probability. Don’t bother arguing. You won’t win.

~ What we want isn’t the issue. The real issue is “what does God want?”.

~ And the harder question to answer is, “do you want what He wants?”.

~ I’m much better off searching the scriptures for what God is saying to me, rather than what He may be saying to someone else.

~ Instead of stating the obvious, start stating the truth. For example, it may be perfectly obvious that someone is acting like a jerk. No need to announce it, or continuously mutter it under your breath. Instead, declare to your heart what God says about them…that they are dearly loved by Him, created in His image, etc., that He desires healing and restoration for them, that He wants to do them good and not harm. It will keep your heart turned toward them, which makes praying for them much easier. And they won’t have to sleep with one eye open.

~ God is our first love, our best love. He alone can completely satisfy our need to be loved. If we are not secure and complete in the love of God, then when the love of our spouse fails us (and it will), we will be devastated, which means marriage just got a lot harder.

~ Fix your eyes on Jesus. It’s easier said than done, trust me. Our tendency is to fix our eyes on the other person. I make you this promise:  If you are looking at what someone else is doing (or not doing), eventually, you will get offended. Guaranteed.

~ Actions and responses are weighed equally by God. He never gives us permission to walk in our flesh. (Galatians 5:19)

And finally…drumroll please…

~ You must die.

None of this happens apart from death to self. It’s what makes Galatians 5:19 possible.

I had to die to unmet expectations, unrecognized rights, unmet needs. Everything that was for me rather than for Jesus.

He wants to bring life to your marriage…but there has to be death  first. He won’t kill you. Death will be your choice to make.

Oh, and another thing. You’ll need to leave your spouse’s death to God. In answer to my “What about him, Lord? Doesn’t he have to die too?”, God sent me to the following scripture.

“Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.'” (John 21:22) Yes, God has both a sense of humor, and an answer for everything.

Lessons learned, not always applied. A restoration in process. Marriage. God’s very good idea, made difficult by flawed people.

die to self

Hopefully, next time, I’ll just go ahead and die.

feeling the pain

“I would like some morphine, please”. The dentist laughed, oblivious to the seriousness of my request. I managed to talk him into a few extra shots to the mouth and kickin’ up the dial on the laughing gas (which, by the way, has yet to make me laugh). He had no idea the lengths I would go to in order to avoid pain.

Years of drugs and alcohol and constant running, all in my endless pursuit to numb what is, in my opinion, the worst kind of pain. I buried my heart and then built an impenetrable wall around it to keep emotional pain at bay. It worked pretty well, until God pointed out that while I couldn’t feel pain, I also couldn’t feel anything else, including love. Especially His love. So began the difficult journey of dismantling my wall and digging up my heart, of learning to let pain in, and then bringing it to God for healing. It sounds simple on paper, but in real life it was…a painful process.

But this post really isn’t just about me and my pain.

“And when they had mocked Him, they took off the purple robe and put His own clothes on Him. Then they led Him out to crucify Him…They brought Jesus to the place called Golgotha (which means The Place of the Skull). Then they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it.” Mark 15:20-23

Wine mixed with myrrh was a painkiller. Matthew says they offered him wine mixed with gall (Matthew 27:34). My study notes state that “Tradition says that the women of Jerusalem customarily furnished this pain-killing narcotic to prisoners who were crucified.”

“Crucifixion was usually intended to provide a death that was particularly slow, painful (hence the term excruciating, literally “out of crucifying”), gruesome, humiliating, and public…” (Wikipedia)

Jesus was given the chance to avoid, or at least lessen, the pain of His crucifixion, but He refused. He was fully awake and fully aware of what He was enduring. For you. For me. He refused to spare Himself even one moment of the pain and humiliation of dying for us.

We speak of His death on the cross, and what it means to us, to the world. But today, I am considering the dying that He did. The pain He took for me. The humiliation He paid for me. The hours He spent suspended between me and His Father, feeling every ounce of what separated us.

And then something hits my heart.

Jesus endured the scourging, the whips that tore His flesh, the crown of thorns upon His head, the great wounding of His body. He intentionally felt the nails pounded into His flesh, the burning with each breath He tried to take as He hung in mid-air. On purpose, He went through the torturous death of asphixiation, with nothing to make it less difficult, less painful. And along with the physical pain ravaging His body, He endured the emotional pain of separation from His Father. The separation that came from my sin being heaped upon Him, causing Him to cry out, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me!”

As I consider His dying, I am left weeping. Weeping and remembering. Remembering my own frailty and the great lengths to which I have gone to numb my pain.

Weeping, as I realize that Jesus went to great lengths to feel my pain.

moses is dead

“After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ aide: “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites.” Joshua 1:1-2

mosesMoses is dead. Their leader…the man who met with God for them, convinced Him not to kill them (a bonafide sign of a good leader, by the way), and spoke God’s words to them, was now gone. When a leader goes down, by death or any other means, things can quickly turn chaotic. People get nervous, and plans get put on hold while we figure things out. But not on this day. Moses is dead, and the plan didn’t miss a beat. God handed the reins to Joshua and said, “get ready”.

Disclaimer to the blog post:  From this point on, this post is not what I had in mind to write when I sat down at my computer. Believe me, I kept trying to take it in some other direction, any other direction, than the one it went in. But my fingers adamently disobeyed my instructions. I have come to understand that God wanted me to write it, because He wanted me to read it. Hopefully, no leaders were harmed in the making writing of this post.

So, here we go.

I’ve seen at least two ways the enemy gets at us in the area of leadership and God’s plans.

~ We get overwhelmed, thinking that we will somehow mess up God’s plan. We see our own flaws and weaknesses, and we struggle to believe we have what it takes to carry out what God wants done. Making decisions gets harder and harder, as we let fear lead us into doing nothing. We fear doing it wrong, and we fear what others will think and say about our decisions. Pleasing the majority becomes more important than pleasing the One (although we would never admit to that).

~ Or, we become prideful, thinking we are the only one who can do this thing and do it right. We won’t let anyone give us counsel, because we’re the one in charge. We forget that leadership is actually a servant position. Instead we start developing programs and projects, and eventually stop seeking God for His next step, because we have the next 10 steps already figured out. And because there isn’t anyone who can do the job the way we can, we begin to “manage” people instead of leading them. From there we easily become controlling, and the work becomes far more important than the people.

God’s plan does not depend on any one person, it depends on Him.

Moses was not perfect, but God still got His people out of Egypt. We are far too weak and flawed to be responsible for God’s plans coming to pass. And not a single one of us is indispensable. When Moses died, the plan didn’t stop. God simply chose His next leader.

Today, I am compelled to speak to leaders, as one who has been in leadership, and as one who is called to submit to leadership.

God has called you to lead, so lead. Meet with God everyday and then do what He tells you to do. Don’t be afraid to speak what God has told you to speak, regardless of whether you think it might hurt my feelings or offend me. Just speak it and let God deal with my response. Get counsel from godly people, and then make a decision. Even if the decision may turn out to be wrong, trust that God will correct it and His plan will remain intact, but for heaven’s sake…make a decision. Not everyone will like it, but make it anyway. Not everyone will like you. That’s ok. This isn’t a popularity contest. They didn’t all like Moses either, so you’re in good company.

On the other hand, God has called you to lead, but He can just as easily call someone else. Don’t abuse the authority He has given you. We are not your minions, we are God’s people. He didn’t hand you a scepter so you could rule over us, He gave you a staff and rod so you could shepherd us well. He already has a strong right arm, and it’s not you. Meet with God everyday, and then do what He tells you to do. Remember that God has a plan…so He doesn’t need yours. Speak what God tells you to speak, but bear in mind that God isn’t keen on people speaking words on His behalf that didn’t come from Him. Get counsel from godly people and then make a decision. And then be willing to admit it if your decision was wrong, and let God correct it…and you.

Being a leader isn’t easy. Neither is submitting to leadership. I don’t believe your leadership will be effective unless I do my part. That means I must honor the authority God has given to you, even if I don’t like or agree with your leadership style. I need to stop grumbling and complaining about you, and start praying for you. I have a voice and I have giftings, and I can use them to encourage you, and even to tell you when I sense something is off center. But at the end of the day, you are called to lead and I am called to submit myself to your leadership. If I do that well, your calling will be a joy and not a burden.

“Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.” Hebrews 13:17

follow the leader

 

The leaders and the led. We can both do what we’re called to do if we trust the One who is leading us both.

unreasonable love

I know God loves me, and I’ve understood that His love is unconditional. But recently, He set me on a journey that is taking me deeper, and has started a fire in me.

“On your best day, if you did everything right and nothing wrong, I would still have no reason to love you, because I am completely holy, completely sinless and all together perfect.”

That’s the statement He dropped into me, and then allowed to begin to unfold. The unfolding looks something like this ~

God never had a reason to love me. Never demanded one, and still doesn’t. His love just “is”.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3:16

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”  1 John 4:10

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Before I was good, He loved me. Before I was righteous, He loved me. Before I could possibly give Him a reason to love me, He loved me.

Look at Hosea 3:1 ~ “The LORD said to me, ‘Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.’”

Israel, like us, gave God no reason to love her, and in fact, gave Him plenty of reason not to love her…just like us. And yet…He loves. It is unreasonable.

Unreasonable: not governed by or acting according to reason; not conformable to reason; exceeding the bounds of reason. (Webster)

Over the years, the question of why God loves us has come up, and I learned to give one or both of the two standard Christian answers.

  • “He loves you because you are His. Just like you love your children because they are yours.”  Not a bad answer, except that scripture says I became His child once I believed in Jesus and received Him as Savior. (John 1:12) That would mean that I gave God a reason to love me when I accepted Christ. But since God “so loved the world”, and Jesus died “while we were yet sinners”…the parent illustration doesn’t quite work. And giving this “reason” to a parent who has not loved their child, who has committed atrocities against their child, well…it won’t hold water with them.
  • “He loves you because He is love”. 1John 4:16 tells us that God is love (noun). But throughout the whole bible, He also does love (verb). The question is why does He (verb), not why is He (noun).  To say we are loved because God is love is akin to saying He loves us because He has no choice. Jesus’ death on the cross was a verb, and it was a choice He made…God giving His only Son was a choice made by love (noun) to love (verb). So once again, the standard answer isn’t really an answer.

He loves us without reason, and in my mind, that’s completely unreasonable. So I asked the question, “why is this so hard for us to grasp, and to believe?”.  His answer plunged into a deep place in me.

“Because deep down, you believe that love must have a reason. And that belief is what keeps you continually living life attempting to give Me a reason to love you. It’s also why you demand others give you a reason to love them.”

 

I find myself in deep waters. His love won’t fit into the box anymore. It is beyond explanation and completely without reason.  It is there for me and for you. For people doing their best and for those doing the worst. All of us who give Him no reason to love us.

Unreasonable love has started a fire in me. And I want more. I want it to consume me and compel me to take it to the world, or at least to the next person I meet. I want it to turn my relationship with God upside down. I want it to push past the barriers of my western Christianity and take me into places I would otherwise not have gone.

I want all of that, but right now, the fire that has started is burning to know Him more. I burn to draw closer to His heart, to live my life in the presence of the One who compels angels to sing “Holy, holy, holy” day and night. I want to gaze into this unreasonable love, until I no longer draw back or avert my eyes.

 

No One Gives Like God Gives

I know people who are naturally very giving. My sister, Kim, is one of them. She has one of the most generous and giving hearts I know. Just like her Father. But, unlike God, as much as givers love to give, their ability to live out of that heart is limited. Only God gives what cannot be received from anyone else.

Strength…

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Isaiah 40:29

“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”  Philippians 4:13

Our greatest strength is nothing compared to what comes from the power of God. Oh that we would finally drop our fists, bend our knees and confess our weakness! The world has taught generations of people that weakness is a flaw, something to be overcome, and if not overcome then at least hidden.  In this world, the weak are picked on, maligned and held in contempt. Those that do so do not know the ways of God. They are unaware that He protects, defends, rescues and takes up the cause of the weak. And He strengthens them with His power. If I am facing a battle, who do I want on my side? A man who lives life in the weakness of his own strength, or the weak man who walks in the strength of His God?

Rest…

“The LORD replied, ‘My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.’”             Exodus 33:14

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

The word “rest” in Exodus was used to describe the “quiet possession of the promised land” that God gave to the Israelites after conquering the inhabitants of the land.  We have spiritual land that we must battle to take, in our homes and families, in our churches, and in our communities. We will not take that land and come into the “rest” of possession unless God goes with us. His presence will give us rest…the quiet possession of land once inhabited by the enemy. Have I been fighting for land all on my own? Have I asked the Lord for His presence in my life and in my battle? Have I, like Moses, determined that I will not go unless He goes with me?

In Matthew, Jesus bids them to come to Him for rest from the yoke of the law. Religion will keep us striving and working to “be good enough” for God. It is a yoke of fear, because deep down, we know ourselves all too well. We try really hard to do all the right things and be good people, and then we mess up.  That leads to more striving to try to make up for what we’ve done, trying to gain God’s favor or at least His tolerance again. Religion is a heavy yoke indeed, and leaves people weary to the bone.  Jesus offers the relationship of grace that finally brings us to the rest that He alone can give. How do I live in this relationship of grace? Has my soul found rest here, or is it still trying to be good enough for God?

Life…

“…the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” Genesis 2:7

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

No big bang. We didn’t evolve from some lesser life form into what we are today. It’s very simple.  Our life originated from the breath of God. I continue to live and breathe on this earth because He makes it so.  No one can give life apart from Him.  When I find myself despairing of life, I do well to remember it is God’s gift to me. What will I do with this breath from God?

 And how do I respond to the promise of eternal life that is given through my faith in Christ? Does that promise pale in the light of all of my earthly problems? Is it tucked away somewhere in the recesses of my mind, only remembered during communion Sunday? Has this amazing, unfathomable gift become, God forbid, common? Or is it the source of my joy and my patience in affliction? Has heaven become home for my heart while I run this earthly race? Does the promise of life evermore, with God, eclipse anything and everything that this earth has to offer?

My heart doesn’t always like it when these questions come, but it continues to beat out the answers, good or bad, right or wrong. It beats now, and will beat forever in one form or another, only because God and God alone gives life.

Strength, rest, life, peace, wisdom, revelation, provision, knowledge, His Spirit, spiritual gifts, the Kingdom…and on and on. There is no giver like God, and no one else can give us what He gives.  No matter what we offer up to others, even if we give everything we have, we will never be able to out-give our God.

a sovereign plan

The spread of the gospel for the building of the Church was in no way accidental or coincidental, but was perfectly planned by God.  If we step back from the story contained in the book of Acts, we can catch glimpses of the sovereignty of the Planner. I cannot help but consider how foreign His ways seems to us today.

“But the Lord said to Ananias, ‘Go! This man is My chosen instrument to carry My name before the Gentiles and their kings, and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for My name!’”  Act 9:15-16

The man who had been zealously persecuting the church, was God’s chosen instrument to build the church.  And Galatians 1:16 tells us that he had been chosen long before the encounter with Jesus knocked him off his high horse. Paul had been “set apart from birth”.

Would we consider that God would call someone so vehemently against Christianity to become it’s chief champion? Many of the believers of his day didn’t. “When he came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple.” Acts 9:26

“Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to.”  Acts 16:6-7

God didn’t come up with the overall plan and then leave the details to Paul. The whole plan, including the details, belongs to God. Paul thought it would be good to go to Asia, but God wanted them in Macedonia.  

We know God has a plan, and that He is still building His Church. But deep down, do we believe that He’s leaving the details up to us?

“One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: ‘Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city.’ So Paul stayed for a year and a half, teaching them the word of God.”  Acts 18:9-11

In Acts 22:17, Paul was telling the crowd in Jerusalem the story of his conversion. He told them that the Lord said to him at that time, “Quick! Leave Jerusalem immediately, because they will not accept your testimony about Me.”

The care and protection of God is so clear.  He alone knows whether we are to stay put, or get out quick, and He will not hide it from us. Does He still speak to His Church so clearly today? I believe He does. The question is do we hear Him? Or have we become skilled enough at this thing, that we are no longer desperate for the voice of God to direct our next step?

In the overview of Acts, I see the sovereignty of God. His plan for His Church, being carried out by His followers, at His direction.  He is sovereign down to the smallest detail.

He has not changed, and neither has His plan.

And if we believe that He is still, in His sovereignty, carefully tending to the building of His Church and the completion of His plan, watching over every detail, setting up divine appointments, and using the most unlikely of people…do we also believe He is doing the very same thing in the individual lives of His followers? Do we view our lives as being the plan of God? Do we see the trials and the shipwrecks as all part of that plan? Do we believe that our coming and going, and the timing of it all, is held in the heart of God?

Or do we know He has a plan, but deep down believe He’s left the details to us?