Category Archives: Blog

then i will look up

“My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD;
         In the morning I will direct it to You,
         And I will look up.” (Psalm 5:3 NKJV)

 I will not pray to You, and then look to man for an answer.

I will not cry out to You, and then look at my own feeble hands, as though they have the power to lift me up.

I will not voice my trust in You, and then look down in despair at my “not enough”.

I will not thank You for Your salvation, and then look to my own self-righteousness.

I will not give thanks for Your mercy, and then look upon others with scorn.

I will not call you King of Kings, and then look to earthly kings for my security and well being.

I will not sing “You alone are worthy”, and then cast my gaze to earthly idols.

I will not seek You for provision, and then look for another well from which to draw.

I will not ask Your forgiveness, and then turn my head in shame.

Though it may be but a whisper, You will hear my voice.

And then I will look up.

a King is coming. no vote required.

November 6, 2012. The candidates will once again line up and let this country’s citizens choose their leader, and the great machine called democracy will roar to life at voting booths everywhere.

At no time in my life has the political arena been more prominent to me than these past few years. The election of President Obama, if it did nothing else, stirred people’s indignation like no other in my memory. And while I have stayed blissfully ignorant of most political issues, I often found myself joining in the fiery frenzy of the great Republican outcry, but all the while it felt like I was shouting and shaking my fist at something that had little or nothing to do with me. I think God was whispering to me; I just needed to stop shouting so I could hear Him.  I discovered that there is something familiar in our shouting.

The Jewish people had been promised a Messiah, and they eagerly waited for Him to appear. But it turns out, their reason for wanting a Messiah was different than God’s reason for giving them one. They were looking for a political ruler, a King who would free them from tyranny, and set up His rule over Israel. He did not meet their expectations, so they turned on Him and crucified Him.

Even after His death and resurrection, we see His disciples’ inability to fully grasp what Jesus came here to do. They had embraced Him as the true Messiah, were confused at His death, and were still trying to get the picture in focus after His resurrection, when He spoke with them of the Kingdom of God. Their question shows the fuzziness of  that picture.

“So when they met together, they asked him, ‘Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?'” (Acts 1:6) 

We aren’t all that different, if you ask me. Don’t we elect our president with the hopes for restoration of America? Those in the Church ally themselves with the candidate who looks most like us, and on election day we are essentially asking the same question the disciples asked. “Lord, are You at this time going to restore America to You? (did we cast enough votes, Lord?)”

And we, including those in the Church, are outraged by those on the other side of our political alliance, who, in our minds, vote for the darkness to increase. I think our outrage is rooted in a mistaken belief that we have a right to live in a darkness-free zone because, after all, this is America (one of roughly 196 nations on the earth, and not even the one referred to as the apple of His eye…but still), and our money clearly says we trust in God.  

So, in our great indignation we rail against the government/president/mayor/grocery store manager. We can see them, so its easier than railing against the “rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” that we cannot see. Wait. Did you catch that? Rewind it. “against the powers of this dark world…”.  And there you have it. Our world, all 196 nations, is dark, and getting darker. As it turns out, it’s not the Democrats’ fault. Who knew?

We will never be able to vote darkness out of our country. We are the light of the world, and our light is to draw people out of darkness. It is to reveal not a political ruler, but a crucified Savior. Our agenda is the Kingdom of God, not the kingdom of America. By virtue of living in a democracy, we have the civic right to cast our vote for a leader, but we are not voting in the one man who can turn back the darkness. Scripture clearly tells us that darkness will increase.

“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God…” (2Timothy 3:1-4)

But, lest we become discouraged, let us also remember that there is an end in sight. There is a King. He has made the world a promise, and He will fulfill it.

Yes, a King will come, and the light will be taken from the world.

“For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.  After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words. “ (1Thessalonians 4:16-18)

A King will come, and it will be a bad day for darkness.

 “I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True… He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean….He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:

   KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.” (Revelation 19:11-16)

A King will come, and the darkness will be no more.

“And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever.” (Revelation 20:10)

A King will come, and it will truly be finished.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:1-4)

In the meantime, darkness does threaten. But when we read scripture, primarily Paul’s letters to the churches, we see that he wasn’t so much concerned about the darkness outside the church as he was the darkness threatening the church from within. 

There are rulers, authorities, powers of this dark world and spiritual forces of evil that target our own hearts and minds, our homes and our families, and thus, the Church. 

Does it have our full attention? Are we casting aside our own deeds of darkness, renewing our own minds, guarding what our eyes see and our tongues speak? Are we asking God to ruthlessly search our hearts and expose our own darkness?

Or are we just convinced it’s all the President’s fault, while we hope that this time we’ll vote darkness outa here and once again be right with God?

Marriage Matters—to the sons, from a daughter

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.” (1Corinthians 16:13-14)

 To the sons of the King, from His daughters. To those who have embarked, or are preparing to embark on the journey of marriage, allow me to speak to your heart, from the heart of His daughters everywhere.

~ Be on your guard. (This means be alert, and more literally, be awake.)

Life can become routine, and at times mundane. Please don’t let it lull you to sleep, which will lead to indifference and apathy. Stay hungry for Jesus. Keep watch on the wall with us, and for us. The devil never ceases to prowl, but you pose no threat to him if you are not awake. He is your enemy. We need you to be his. 

~ Stand firm in the faith. (To persevere. To be steadfast in the faith, by adherence to it.)

We beseech you – when compromise beckons you to step down from the high ground…stand firm. When the enemy tempts you to walk the easy, less demanding life of lukewarm faith…stand firm. When the winds of adversity are at gale force, making you want to turn and run…stand firm. We have committed ourselves to you, so where you go, we go with you.  We would much rather stand with you.

~ Be men of courage;  (The original language means “play the man”.) be strong. (That word means…be strong.)

Our world applauds men who think they are women. People pay money to see men  dress and act like women, and dedicate talk shows to men on their way to becoming women. The attack on masculinity has been vicious.

You are men, and we want you to be men. We want you to walk, talk, dress and act like men. Be brave and be strong. Be protective. Be fierce. Be warriors. Be secure enough to let us see you cry. Be nice to kittens and ruthless to spiders. Play the man.

~ Do everything in love.

You are watchful, fully awake. Your feet are firmly planted on the high ground of faith. You are strong and brave. And everything you do is governed by love.

You are the sons of the King, worthy of His daughters.

gung ho

I had a strange conversation with someone a little while ago and it’s messin’ with me. When things mess with me I blog about them. It helps.

The conversation was with a newborn Christian. Maybe a couple of weeks old. I think he may have been under the influence, evidenced by the smell of beer, the slurring, and a somewhat glazed look in his eyes (yeah, it’s hard to get anything past me). Yet, he still managed to say something that I found odd. He told me that he had been talking to a Christian couple recently, discussing the “Christian faith”, and that “they weren’t as gung ho about it as you guys are” (meaning my husband and I). I couldn’t tell if I was being praised or insulted, to be honest with you.

Gung ho. I haven’t heard that term since I was in the Army. Gung ho soldiers were the ones that were “all in”. They lived and breathed being a soldier. So I don’t mind being called gung ho for Christianity. I minded something else. I minded that this brand new baby Christian saw people who were less than “all in”, and thought that might be the better way to go. I minded that. A lot. I’m not judging the less than all in people (or maybe I am. I’ll think about that later). And can I stop saying “all in” now, and just call it lukewarm? Yes, I am peeved that someone played off their lukewarmth as being perfectly ok to someone who doesn’t know any better.

So I think I need to say something to my slightly inebriated fellow, and to the people, who I am sure are perfectly nice people, that may have messed with his baby-faith. None of them read my blog, so I’ll mostly be talking to myself. Again.

Jesus came to this earth to take upon Himself the punishment that was rightly ours. The whip they used tore open His back for us. He was spit upon and beaten for us. They made Him drag the heavy crossbeam, the instrument of His own death, up the hill to Golgotha…after the whip tore open His back for us. His hands and feet were nailed, yes nailed to that cross and then it was dropped into the ground. A crown of thorns…sharp, 2″ thorns, was shoved into His skull for us. He hung there, the King of Heaven, separated from His Father by our sin, until He finally died for us.

God came for us, and then died for us. And now you and I have been deemed forgiven. Forever. Why? Because He offered His death to us as God’s gift of life, and we took it.

So, do you think He was “all in”? Was every single moment of every single day of His life on this earth spent on us? Or were we just part of His life here?

He left heaven for earth and died a wretched death in our place. Because He wants us with Him.

Tell me, friends. Do you think Jesus is gung ho about you?

P.S. ~ I was right. Blogging helped.

flight of the bumblebee, a/k/a me on a walk

Today’s walk was an interesting revelation for me.  It brought new meaning to the following scripture –

1Peter 4:7 ~ “Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.”

You’ll understand after you spend a few minutes in my head during my walk:
“Ahhh. Thank you Lord for this beautiful day, and this opportunity to pray for my neighbors. I want to lift up the family in that hou…” “Really? Dude. Buy a muffler.” “Sorry Lord.” “Mmm. This breeze feels so nice. I love trees. Your creation is so beautif…” “OMG…that guy really wore black socks with sandals to water his lawn! I wonder if it would be rude to take a picture with my phone. Maybe I could take it without him even notic…” “Sorry Lord. Oh…those birds sound so nice! It’s like they’re singing to each other.” “Wow my hips are starting to hurt”. “Lord, I pray for the family in that house. I see the mother sometimes, and she always looks so sad, and…” “Dang..stupid mosquitoe bites. It’s hard to walk and pray when I keep having to stop and scratch. Oooh. That would be a funny bumper sticker”. “Ohhhh, there’s a squirrel! Jesus, You know how much I love squirrels! You are so good to me…” “Whoa…lady. You apparently got interrupted while getting dressed, didn’tchya? Forget to go back to it?”…”Oh man, I just love that tree. It’s so majestic and beautiful. It’s a reminder of You, Lord, every time I walk pas…” “Oh gross. A dead bird. Aw man…someone should clean that up.” “Lord, thank You for summer. I love this time of year! The warmth of the sun on my face, it’s just so wonderf…” “Oh my…you’re a strange looking little dog now aren’t you? Poor thing.” “Whew. Almost home. I love taking these walks with You Lord! We’ll do it again tomo…” “Awww. Look at the cute little girl in her sassy pink flip flops! I can’t wait to be a grandma!”…

See what I mean?

Marriage Matters—next time, i’ll just go ahead and die

It happened again. I lived when I should have died. And the livin’ got ugly, let me tell you. Everything I’ve learned about marriage ran screaming from the room. Ok, maybe that was me running and screaming. Either way, I am still suffering the repercussions of a dynamic marital explosion between two people who should have died, but chose to live. It feels somewhat like a hangover. All because he said something I didn’t like in a tone of voice that just yanked my chain. I should have just died. I’d feel a whole lot better today.

I’m a big fan of going into things with eyes wide open. That’s why I think preachers should say, “Marriage is good. You guys are gonna make it hard.” during every wedding ceremony.

Marriage was God’s idea, therefore it is good. We’re the ones that give it a bad name.

When God began the process of restoring my marriage, He started with me. I argued vehemetly against this tactic, since I was clearly the victim in this marriage. I mean, it was just so obvious. God saw things differently, and I lost the first of many arguments. To prove His point, He began exposing a lot of things. Ugly things. Anger, pride, rebellion, unforgiveness and a mindset that was based on self-interest. Just to name a few.

My story of restoration is a bit long for a blog post, so I’ll just give you a few of the lessons I learned. Of course, it comes with the disclaimer that what I learned isn’t always followed by application. If it was, I wouldn’t have this headache.

~ For a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, to be restored, people are going to have to change.  You may have to go first. In fact, I’d say it’s a probability. Don’t bother arguing. You won’t win.

~ What we want isn’t the issue. The real issue is “what does God want?”.

~ And the harder question to answer is, “do you want what He wants?”.

~ I’m much better off searching the scriptures for what God is saying to me, rather than what He may be saying to someone else.

~ Instead of stating the obvious, start stating the truth. For example, it may be perfectly obvious that someone is acting like a jerk. No need to announce it, or continuously mutter it under your breath. Instead, declare to your heart what God says about them…that they are dearly loved by Him, created in His image, etc., that He desires healing and restoration for them, that He wants to do them good and not harm. It will keep your heart turned toward them, which makes praying for them much easier. And they won’t have to sleep with one eye open.

~ God is our first love, our best love. He alone can completely satisfy our need to be loved. If we are not secure and complete in the love of God, then when the love of our spouse fails us (and it will), we will be devastated, which means marriage just got a lot harder.

~ Fix your eyes on Jesus. It’s easier said than done, trust me. Our tendency is to fix our eyes on the other person. I make you this promise:  If you are looking at what someone else is doing (or not doing), eventually, you will get offended. Guaranteed.

~ Actions and responses are weighed equally by God. He never gives us permission to walk in our flesh. (Galatians 5:19)

And finally…drumroll please…

~ You must die.

None of this happens apart from death to self. It’s what makes Galatians 5:19 possible.

I had to die to unmet expectations, unrecognized rights, unmet needs. Everything that was for me rather than for Jesus.

He wants to bring life to your marriage…but there has to be death  first. He won’t kill you. Death will be your choice to make.

Oh, and another thing. You’ll need to leave your spouse’s death to God. In answer to my “What about him, Lord? Doesn’t he have to die too?”, God sent me to the following scripture.

“Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.'” (John 21:22) Yes, God has both a sense of humor, and an answer for everything.

Lessons learned, not always applied. A restoration in process. Marriage. God’s very good idea, made difficult by flawed people.

die to self

Hopefully, next time, I’ll just go ahead and die.

feeling the pain

“I would like some morphine, please”. The dentist laughed, oblivious to the seriousness of my request. I managed to talk him into a few extra shots to the mouth and kickin’ up the dial on the laughing gas (which, by the way, has yet to make me laugh). He had no idea the lengths I would go to in order to avoid pain.

Years of drugs and alcohol and constant running, all in my endless pursuit to numb what is, in my opinion, the worst kind of pain. I buried my heart and then built an impenetrable wall around it to keep emotional pain at bay. It worked pretty well, until God pointed out that while I couldn’t feel pain, I also couldn’t feel anything else, including love. Especially His love. So began the difficult journey of dismantling my wall and digging up my heart, of learning to let pain in, and then bringing it to God for healing. It sounds simple on paper, but in real life it was…a painful process.

But this post really isn’t just about me and my pain.

“And when they had mocked Him, they took off the purple robe and put His own clothes on Him. Then they led Him out to crucify Him…They brought Jesus to the place called Golgotha (which means The Place of the Skull). Then they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it.” Mark 15:20-23

Wine mixed with myrrh was a painkiller. Matthew says they offered him wine mixed with gall (Matthew 27:34). My study notes state that “Tradition says that the women of Jerusalem customarily furnished this pain-killing narcotic to prisoners who were crucified.”

“Crucifixion was usually intended to provide a death that was particularly slow, painful (hence the term excruciating, literally “out of crucifying”), gruesome, humiliating, and public…” (Wikipedia)

Jesus was given the chance to avoid, or at least lessen, the pain of His crucifixion, but He refused. He was fully awake and fully aware of what He was enduring. For you. For me. He refused to spare Himself even one moment of the pain and humiliation of dying for us.

We speak of His death on the cross, and what it means to us, to the world. But today, I am considering the dying that He did. The pain He took for me. The humiliation He paid for me. The hours He spent suspended between me and His Father, feeling every ounce of what separated us.

And then something hits my heart.

Jesus endured the scourging, the whips that tore His flesh, the crown of thorns upon His head, the great wounding of His body. He intentionally felt the nails pounded into His flesh, the burning with each breath He tried to take as He hung in mid-air. On purpose, He went through the torturous death of asphixiation, with nothing to make it less difficult, less painful. And along with the physical pain ravaging His body, He endured the emotional pain of separation from His Father. The separation that came from my sin being heaped upon Him, causing Him to cry out, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me!”

As I consider His dying, I am left weeping. Weeping and remembering. Remembering my own frailty and the great lengths to which I have gone to numb my pain.

Weeping, as I realize that Jesus went to great lengths to feel my pain.