chasing what cannot be caught

“You’re chasing after what cannot be caught. You were made for a different pursuit.”

In the midst of the song Relentless Pursuit (Kim Walker-Smith), His voice broke through and brought piercing revelation of what my chase had become. Chasing time, trying to gather enough up in my hands to stop the feeling that my life had gotten ahead of me.  Chasing after feelings, hoping to finally feel qualified to do what I do, to feel like I am right where I belong.

I knew something was wrong, but in the chase of lesser things, nagging feelings are easily outrun.  What cannot be ignored is the worship song that gets caught somewhere between your throat and your heart.

It’s a relentless pursuit, relentless pursuit
I will not stop chasing after You
It’s a relentless pursuit, a passion in pursuit
I will not stop chasing after You

But I did. If you saw me running, it would have looked like I was chasing Him, but I wasn’t. I was chasing the work of ministry. The time that got away from me. The look and the feel and the ‘doing’ of Christianity.

Even my time alone with Him and the study of His Word had become more about seeking for what someone else may need to hear.

Chasing revelation rather than the One it reveals.

Chasing what cannot be caught. 

And then these words worked their way through the ache in my heart…

You’ve taken the keys and you’ve opened up all of me
And now I’m running,I’m running after you
The love of my life
Oh You… the love of my life

And in the flood of understanding came the echo of a long ago cry from my heart, a cry from the Song of Songs, third chapter third verse…

“Have you seen the one my heart loves?”

And there I stood, panting from my fruitless chase of all things less than and wondering how on earth I had lost sight of the Love of my life.

What broke into my relentless pursuit of the One my heart loves?

It was me. I don’t know the moment, the day, the week it happened, but once my life became about me my feet changed course and I began chasing my own life. What mattered was how I was feeling, what I was doing or not doing, what I wanted, needed, thought, believed.

Because we are all prisoners of war and all of life is a continual act of surrendering ourselves over, and whatever has received our surrender we will follow.  It is only when we refuse the call to surrender to ‘self’ that we are released to run after Jesus.

We cannot surrender to two masters. 

You can have all of me
You can have every part of me
And I, I am released to run after You, oh
And I, I am released to run after You

Jesus, You are the One my heart loves. I surrender once again to pursuing, chasing, seeking after You with my whole heart. I was made for this chase, this relentless pursuit of the One who promises to be found by me.

“You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”  (Jeremiah 29:13)