looking back then looking ahead

I don’t know how to start. Or maybe it’s that I don’t know how to end. I’m not good at simply waving bye to a whole year of my life and starting a new year just like that. I need closure. Perhaps a few tears. Reminiscing must happen or I won’t be able to close the door.

2017…

You were a good year, especially near the end. Things happened that I’m excited about and that left me overwhelmed with gratitude. But, you know. There are the other things, the stuff that didn’t happen that should have happened. We might as well talk about those first.

I started out well. Good intentions and all. But about mid-year, my commitment to daily exercise started to wane. By the end of the year (which is tomorrow), my commitment had totally skipped town. And while I have made progress on eating better, there is still a whole lotta room for improvement there.  So, 2017, you were not the year of weight loss and health that I had hoped you would be. But I’ll own that one. That was all me.

I didn’t read as many books as I planned. Didn’t fast and pray as often as I thought I would. Didn’t finish the book. I also did not learn to love cooking or get my house completely organized or the grandkids’ room decorated in a fun style. In fact, I really didn’t do most of what I had hoped I would do this year. Based on previous years, I can at least say that I’m consistent. So there’s that.

So what did happen?

I had two cancer checkups that came up clean. That’s kind of noteworthy, praiseworthy huh?

I took a vacation with my husband to the Gulf of Mexico. I can’t tell you the last time we actually went somewhere that was worthy of the title of “vacation”, but I’m pretty sure my kids were in Jr. High at the time. They are now fully grown, married, with kids. So this vacation thing we did this year was a pretty.big.deal. And it was glorious.

I made new friends this year and deepened a few other friendships. I became a Lifegroup leader for a small group of women, which means I get to prepare studies, talk about the Word of God, pray with them, love them and have fun with them. So as far as relationships go, 2017, you were very generous to me. Thank you for that.

I made a deal with my husband, based on my total disdain for cooking. He does the cooking, I do all the cleaning. I didn’t know if he’d go for it but, much to my surprise and delight, he did! You would have to understand just how much I did not enjoy cooking to know just how good this deal is for me. Actually, it’s not the cooking itself that I hated, it was the responsibility of cooking. It was knowing that someone else depended on me to come up with a meal once I got home from work. It was trying to figure out how to not cook pork chops or tacos because they are quick and I know how to make them. It was all too much for me.  I know. It’s silly and I’m dramatic, but it is what it is. I couldn’t handle it. So I struck a deal. It’s not like I sold my soul.  And so far, it’s working out pretty good. He cooks good, healthy meals for me, and all I have to do is clean up! And make sure the rest of the house stays fairly clean. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

I did make progress on the book. Got a cover for it (thank you, Jonathan Wenzel). Sent the first couple of chapters to a professional editor and got some feedback. Not the “it’s perfect, you’re an awesome writer, I wouldn’t change a thing” feedback I had hoped for, but still. What I did get was a reality check and a lot of editing to do. Hopefully, 2018 will be the finishing year for this thing.

The highlight came near the end when we welcomed our first grandson into the family. Shepard William Wasion was born November 3rd, and I was, and still am, a bit giddy about that. And, our whole family came together for Christmas at Shepard’s house in Salt Lake City! There was snow and it was cold, but my heart stayed warm the whole time! My two granddaughters (cousins) formed a frienemy relationship that kept us laughing. Mostly.

So, 2017, your ending more than made up for the things undone this year. And I am choosing to not see the year as a failure, but as a learning process. It takes time to learn to take care of yourself after years of neglect. It takes time to find your footing in a new way of walking (literally) out life.

I am choosing to live as a loved daughter who does not have a disappointed Father, but one who is encouraging me more and more to do this with Him. Choosing not to turn my health or any of my other endeavors into a performance.

2018…

The word for this coming year for me is Deeper.

Deeper in commitment to my health. Deeper in relationships. Deeper in prayer. Deeper into the Word of God. I want to go deep, but more than that, I want God to go deep. I want Him in my bones, in the marrow, in the deep places of my heart. I want Him in places that I have held back for other things. I want a deep invasion of the Spirit of God in my life this year.

What about you? What do you want for this year? What are you hoping for, committing to, believing for?