Marriage Matters: The Motive of Prayer


I had been asking God for so many years to change my husband. Begging God, really. But I saw little movement over almost two decades. Makes a girl weary, you know? Finally, God made a change, and that change was in me. 

During the very difficult beginning of our restoration season, God allowed me to see things through a very different lens. It was the lens of heaven, seeing my husband with eyes of love and compassion over his brokenness. Seeing him as God sees him…as a child of God, hurting, and in great need of the Father’s healing. For his sake, not mine. And that is where the change came. In the motive of my prayer.

I realized that all those years I wanted my husband to change so that my life would be easier; so that I wouldn’t have to deal with his anger, his pride, or his control. I wanted him to change so that I could relax and maybe be happy for a change. 

You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. (James 4:3)

This was the verse that God first used to address my prayer life, specifically my prayers for my husband. This is where I began to learn that motives matter to God, and my motive in prayer was me, more often than not. 

As my view of my husband changed, so did my motives. As I saw what God saw, my heart broke for my husband more than it broke for me. And when I began to pray out of a genuine desire to see him free, to see him know the deep love of His Father, to know his worth – the changes I had prayed for began to happen. Little bits at a time for sure, but they were there. 

Discovering that God, not my husband, is my source of happiness and peace was a shift I needed that enabled me to begin to pray with Godly motives rather than selfish ones. 

If you are weary in prayer for your spouse, or anyone else for that matter, let God call out your motives. It will be hard, but so very worth it.

For more on my marriage restoration – visit here. 

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